Men And Women

A man having trouble achieving an erection decides to consult a witch doctor. The witch doctor throws some herbs on a fire, shakes his rattle, and says, "I have placed a powerful spell on you, but it will only work once a year. Just say ‘one, two, three' and you'll get the largest erection you've ever had. After your wife's been satisfied, simply say ‘one, two, three, four' and it will disappear for 12 months." Later that night as the man is lying in bed watching television, he says to his wife, "Watch this! One, two, three!" His schlong becomes larger and stiffer than ever before. His wife is amazed. She smiles and says, "That's great! But what did you say ‘one, two, three' for?"

A fat man is dancing at a disco, and he is approached by a beautiful woman.

"What on earth do you think you are doing?", says the woman.

The obese man replies, "Shaking my groove thang."

The woman laughs and says,

"If that is a groove? The Grand Canyon is a ditch!"

There once was a very distraught woman, who was upset because she had not had a date in quite some time. She decided she would seek the medical expertise of Dr. Kayoto, the very well-known Japanese sex therapist. After stepping into his office and explaining her problem, he asked her to take off all her clothes.

"Now," he said. "Get down and craw reery reery srory to odder side of room." The woman did.

"Now," he said. "Now craw reery reery fass back to me." The woman did. The Dr. looked at her mournfully and said "I vely solly. Your probrem vewy bad, you haf Ed Zachery Disease."

"Ed Zachery Disease? What's that?"

"Vewy sad. It's when your face rook Ed Zachery rike your ass."

The efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. 'You don't want to try these techniques at home.'

'Why not?' asked someone from the back of the audience. 'I watched my wife's routine at breakfast for years,' the expert explained.

'She made lots of trips to the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying just a single item at a time. 'Hon,' I suggested, 'Why don't you try carrying several things at once?'

The voice from the back asked, 'Did it save time?'

The expert replied, 'Actually, yes. It used to take her 20 minutes to get breakfast ready. Now I do it in seven.'