Men And Women

What's the difference between a dog barking on the front porch and a woman yelling on the back porch?
The dog quits barking when you let it in!

Two cowboys walk into a roadhouse to wash the trail dust from their throats. They stand at the bar, drinking their beers and talking quietly about cattle prices. Suddenly a woman at a table behind them, who had been eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so it becomes apparent that she is in real distress, and the cowboys turn to look at her. "Kin ya swaller?" asks one of the cowboys. No, signals the woman, desperately shaking her head. "Kin ya breathe?" asks the other. The woman, beginning to turn a bitblue, shakes her head. "No" again. The first cowboy walks over to her, lifts up the back of her skirt, yanks down her knickers, and slowly runs his tongue up and down the woman's behind. This shocks the woman to a violent spasm, the obstruction flies out of her mouth, and she begins to breathe again. The cowboy slowly walks back over to the bar and proudly takes a drink of his beer. His partner says in admiraton, "Ya know, I'd heard of that there Hind Lick Maneuver, but I ain't never seen nobody do it."

A couple had been married for many years, and their son had gotten old enough to date. One day the boy brought a girl over to diner. The mother was thrilled with her son's choice and couldn't wait for the wedding. However, the father was upset and, eventually, the boy asked, "Dad, why don't you seem happy with her. Mom likes her a lot."

The father explained, "No son, there's nothing wrong with the girl. It's just that I cheated on your mother a long time ago, and the girl you've been dating is my daughter by that woman."

So the boy dumped her and found himself another girl. Again, he brought her home to the mother's delight, but the father again told him this girl was actually his half-sister. The boy lost his temper and told his mother what his father had said.

Furious, the mother shouted, "Don't listen to him, sweetheart! He isn't even your father!"

A little boy was playing in his sandbox when the little girl next door came up and asked if she could play, too. He said, "okay."
Shortly he began bragging, "I have a big fire engine."
The girl responded, "So, I have a fire engine too. See!"
Only slightly put off he expressed, "I have a toy tank!"
She looked at it and quietly reached behind the sand box and pulled out a toy M1 Tank and said, "I have one, too."
The young boy almost in tears dropped his pants and says, "I have a penis!"
The little girl looked down her pants and burst into tears and ran home crying all the way.
The next day the lad is playing in his sand box when the little girl approaches. He says, "are you back for more? I told you I have a penis and you don't!"
"Well," said the little girl, "my mom told me not to worry about it. She said I have one of these... and as long as I have one of these, I can have as many of those as I want!"