Men And Women

A: They don't stop to ask for directions.

'Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.'

'Tell all of your sins, my daughter.'

'Oh, Father, last night my boyfriend made hot, passionate love to me seven times,' she says.

The priest thinks about this long and hard and says, 'Take seven lemons and squeeze the juice into a tall glass and drink it.'

'Will this cleanse my soul of my sins?'

'No,' the priest says, 'but it'll wipe that smile off your face!'

"Son, I won't tell you the dictionary definition in fear that it will confuse you. But to help you out, I'll give you something to do. Go ask your mother if she will sleep with a bum for $500,000 and ask your sister is she'll sleep with the garbageman for the same amount." So, the little boy goes up to his mom.

"Mommy, would you ever sleep with a bum for $500,000?"

"You bet your ass I would!" exclaims the mother. So the little boy goes up to his sister's bedroom.

"Hey sis, would you sleep with the garbageman for $500,000?"

"I sure would!" exclaims his sister.

"Dad, Dad! Mom and sis both said they would. What does that mean?"

"Well, son," the father says. "Technically, we're millionares but in reality we live with a couple of dirty whores!"

The carpenter figured sawing the slats of their bed would give them a chuckle or two.

The electrician decided to wire the bed - with alternating current, of course.

The dentist wouldn't commit himself, but wore a sly grin and promised it would be memorable.

The nuptials went as planned and a few days later, each of the grooms buddies received the following note:

“DEAR FRIENDS,
WE DIDN'T MIND THE BED SLATS
BEING SAWED.
THE ELECTRIC SHOCK WAS ONLY A MINOR SETBACK. BUT BY GOD, I'M GOING TO KILL THE GUY WHO PUT NOVACAINE IN THE VASELINE!”