None, it should be opened by the time she brings it to you!
'Well, how much does a brain cost?' asked the relatives.
'For a male brain, $500,000. For a female brain, $200,000,' replied the doctor.
Some of the younger male relatives tried to look shocked, but all the men nodded because they thought they understood. But the patient's daughter was unsatisfied and asked, 'Why the difference in price between male brains and female brains?'
'Standard pricing practice,' said the doctor. 'Women's brains have to be marked down because they've actually been used.'
'How much is this one?' he asked. 'Well that one is a monkey brain and it's $20,' he explained.
'How much is that one?' he asked 'Well that one is a female brain and its $100.' he explained.
'And how much is that one?' he asked. 'That one is a male's brain and it is $500' he explained.
'Why so expensive?' the alien asked. 'Well it has hardly been used!'
"Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows. When you get to the part where I'm supposed to promise to 'love, honor and obey' and 'be faithful to her forever,' I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that out."
He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied. On the day of the wedding, when it came time for the groom's vows, the pastor looked the young man in the eye and said:
"Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life, and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?"
The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "Yes," then leaned toward the pastor and hissed: "I thought we had a deal."
The pastor put a $100 bill into the groom's hand and whispered: "She made me a better offer."
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