Men And Women jokes

Three men are at a bar, and two of the men are talking about the control they have over their wives, while the third remains silent.

After a while, the first two men turn to the third and ask, "What about you? What kind of control do you have over your wife?"

The third man turns to the first two and says, "Well, I'll tell you, just the other day I had her on her knees."

The first two men were dumbfounded.

"Wow! What happened next?" they asked.

The third man takes a healthy swig of his beer, sighs and mutters, "Then she started screaming, 'Get out from under the bed and fight like a man!'"

One day a man and his wife went golfing, as they frequently did together. They arrived at the 12th hole where the husband promptly hit a tremendous slice that ended up behind an old barn.

"I guess I'll just have to play it safe and chip it onto the fairway," said the man.

"No wait," said his wife. "You can hit the ball through the barn."

The man decided to give it a try. But he sliced the ball, which ricocheted off the barn and struck his wife in the head, killing her instantly. The man was distraught and wallowed in his misery for many weeks, depriving himself of golf the whole time.

Eventually he relaized that he must face his demons and headed out to the very same golf course to play. Once again he found himself at the 12th hole and once again he hit a slice right behind the very same barn. As he was preparing to hit out safely to the fairway one of the other players in his foursome asked if he wanted to try and hit it through the barn.

"Oh no," replied the man, horrified. "I tried that last time."

"What happened?"

"I shot an 8!"

Fresh from her shower, a woman stands in front of the mirror, complaining to her husband that her breasts are too small. Instead of characteristically telling her it's not so, her husband uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion. "If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds." Willing to try anything, the wife fetches a piece of toilet paper and stands in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts. "How long will this take?" she asks. "They will grow larger over a period of years," he replies. The wife stops. "Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?" Without missing a beat the husband says, "Worked for your butt, didn't it?"

Have you ever seen Stevie Wonder's wife?

Neither has he.