Men And Women

A woman keeps asking her husband if her boobs are so small. 'Does this shirt make them look bigger? Does this one make them look smaller?' she asks.

The next day her husband buys her a mirror. Before bed, she always looks in the mirror and asks her husband, 'Does this shirt make them look bigger? Does this one make them look smaller?'

Finally he gets so annoyed that he says, 'I know how to make them larger!'

'How!?!?!?' she asks.

'Take a bunch of toilet paper and rub it in between your boobs.'

'Well how long does it take?' she asks.

'They should expand over the years,' he answers.

'How did you know that?' she wonders.

'I dunno, but it sure worked for your ass, didn't it?'

THINGY (thing-ee) n. For a female: Any part under a car's hood. For a male: The strap fastener on a woman's bra.
VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj. Female: Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another. Male: Playing football without a helmet.
COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n. Female: The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner. Male: Scratching out a note before suddenly taking off for a weekend with the boys.
BUTT (but) n. Female: The body part that every item of clothing manufactured makes 'look bigger.' Male: what you slap when someone's scored a touchdown, homerun, or goal. Also good for mooning.
COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n. Female: A desire to get married and raise a family. Male: Not trying to pick up other women while out with one's girlfriend.
ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n. Female: A good movie, concert, play or book. Male: Anything that can be done while drinking.
FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n. Female: An embarrassing by-product of digestion. Male: An endless source of entertainment, self-expression and male bonding.
MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n. Female: The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve. Male: Call it whatever you want just as long as we end up in bed.
REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n. Female: A device for changing from one TV channel to another. Male: A device for scanning through all 75 channels every three minutes.

Two hicks from West Virginia got married and were having their honeymoon in a local motel. They begin doing what honeymooners always do, but right before they consummate the marriage the woman says, "Be gentle, I'm a virgin."

The man is shocked and visibly upset and storms out of the room without saying a word. He goes home to his family and tells them what happened, and his dad agrees, "If she isn't good enough for her own family, she sure as hell isn't good enough for you!"

Q: What do a woman, a tornado and a hurricane have in common?

A: They all get the house!