Men And Women

One day three men were walking along and came upon a raging, violent river. They needed to get to the other side, but couldn't figure out how to cross it.

The first man prayed to God saying, “Please God, give me the strength, courage and ability to cross this river.”

Poof! God gave him big arms and strong legs, and he was able to swim across the river in about two hours.

Seeing this, the second man prayed to God saying, “Please God, give me the strength, courage, and ability to cross this river.” Poof! God gave him the skill to chop down a tree and fashion it into a rowboat; he was able to row across the river in about three hours.

The third man had seen how this worked out for the other two,so he also prayed to God saying, “Please God, give me the strength, courage and ability to cross this river.” Poof! God turned him into a woman, and he walked across the bridge.

Three couples went in to see the minister about becoming new members of his church. The minister said that they would have to go without sex for two weeks and then come back and tell him how it went.

The first couple was retired, the second couple was middle aged and the third couple was newly married.

Two weeks went by, and the couples returned to the minister.

The retired couple said it was no problem at all.

The middle-aged couple said it was tough for the first week, but after that it was no problem.

The newlyweds said it was fine until she dropped the can of paint.

'Can of PAINT!' exclaimed the minister.

'Yeah,' said the newlywed man. 'She dropped the can and when she bent over to pick it up I had to have her right there and then. Lust took over.'

The minister just shook his head and said that they were not welcome in the church.

'That's okay,' said the man. 'We're not welcome in Home Depot either.'

A guy enters a bar and he finds a friend of his. So he sits down with his friend and tells him, 'Friend, I got a dilemma.' The friend asks him, 'What's the problem?' He says, 'Well, I went on my honeymoon and I was excited because I would make love to her for the first time.' And the friend asks, 'So what is the problem?' 'Let me finish,' says the friend. 'When the time came, my wife took out her orthopaedic leg, and put it in the closet. Then she took out her arm, and put it in the closet. Then she took out her eye, and finally took off her hair and put them both in the closet.' 'Wow,' says his friend, 'and what seems to be the dilemma?' 'Well,' says the guy, 'I don't know if I should make love to her on the bed or the closet.'

If you love something, set it free.

If it comes back, it was and always will be yours.
If it never returns, it was never yours to begin with.

If it just sits in your living room, eats your food, messes up your stuff, takes, your money, and never behaves as if you set it free in the first place, then you either married or gave birth to it.