Men And Women

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Men And Women


hillary clinton's crystal ball
 
 
Senator Hillary Clinton snuck off to visit a fortuneteller of some local repute. In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered grave news.

"There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just be blunt: Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year."

Visibly shaken, Hillary stared at the woman's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know. She met the fortuneteller's gaze, steadied her voice, and asked her question.

"Will I be acquitted?"

bed time
 
 
One night a father sent his kid to bed. Five minutes later the boy screamed, 'Dad! Can you get me a glass of water!?!'

'No. You had your chance.'

A minute later the boy screamed 'Dad!! Can you get me a glass of water?'

'No. You had your chance. Next time you ask I'll come up there and spank you.'

'Dad! When you come up to spank me can you bring me a glass or water?'
red ribbon blue ribbon
 
 
This lady goes to a vet and learns that that if you put a ribbon around a snoring dog's penis he'll roll over and stop snoring.

The next night her dog is snoring so she goes to the kitchen and gets a red ribbon and ties it around her dog's penis. His snoring stopped.

Later on that night her husband is snoring and so she goes to the kitchen and gets a blue ribbon and ties it around her husband's penis, and he stops snoring.

The next morning her husband wakes up and looks at his dog and looks down at himself.

"I don't know what happened last night, but it appears we came in first and second."

your profession and your libido
 
 
A women is getting married for her fourth time around. On her honeymoon she asks her husband to be gentle because she is still a virgin. When hears this he asks, 'How can that be you've been married three times before?" “She answers, "Okay, let me explain. My first husband was a gynecologist, all he wanted to do was look at it. My second husband was a psychologist, all he wanted to do was talk about it. My third husband was a gourmet..."

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