Men And Women

The cashier looks at the boy and says, "Hi. Are these for your mom?"

Little Johnny thinks for a moment and says, "Umm, no."

The cashier says, "Oh. Then they're for your sister?"

Little Johnny says, "uh-unh."

The cashier, now a bit curious, says, "Oh. Then they must be for your granny!"

Little Johnny says, "Nope."

The cashier is now really confused. Finally she asks, "Well, what are you going to do with them?"

Little Johnny says, "Well, I'm not sure yet. But on TV, they said if I buy these I can go fishing and swimming and horseback riding!"

But this one girl had some problems identifying her bacteria and asked the professor what they were.

"Those are sperm cells."

A mink in the closet
A Jaguar in the garage
A tiger in the bedroom
And an ass to pay for it all!

The doctor recommended that he satisfy himself before they have sex -- that way, he'd last longer. The next day, the man planned on ravishing his wife when he came home, and decided to please himself on the way. So he pulled over onto a quiet road. But he couldn't just sit there in his car having a wank, so he decided to lie under the car and pretend that he was fixing he car. He crawled under the car, closed his eyes, imagined his wife naked, and started wanking. After a while he felt something tugging at his jeans.

"Sir, this is the police. Would you mind telling us what you're doing?"

Not wanting to lose this wonderful image of his wife he kept his eyes closed.

"I'm just fixing the axle of my car, officer."

"Well, while you're down there you'd better check the brakes. Your car has crashed into a tree half a mile down the road!"