Medical

Why can't men get Mad Cow Disease?

Because they are all PIGS!

There was this guy that went to the doctor to get is sperm counted.The lady behind the desk handed him a jar and said, "Bring it back tomorrow, full." He says, "Okay, I'll be back tomorrow then."

Well he goes home and comes back the next day, and he hands the woman the jar. She says, "Nothing's in it." The man responds, "Well, I went home and I tried with my right hand and I tried with my left hand and nothing happend. I called my wife into the room, and she tried with her right hand and she tried with her left hand. Nothing still happend. Well, we called our neighbor and she came over, and she tried with her right hand ans she tried with her left hand, and still nothing happened.

And the woman behind the counter looked stunned and asked, "You asked your neighbor over to help you!?" And he says, "Yeah, we couldn't get the jar open."

With a screech of brakes, an ambulance pulls up at the local emergency room and a hippie is wheeled out on a gurney. The doctor questions the patient's long-haired colleagues. 'So what was he doing then?' asks the physician. 'Acid? Cannabis?' 'Sort of,' replies one of the hippies, nervously thumbing his caftan. 'But we ran out of gear, so I skinned up a homemade spliff.' 'And what was in that?' asks the doctor. 'Um, I kind of raided my girlfriend's spice rack.' says the hippie. 'There was a bit of cumin, some turmeric and a little paprika.' 'Well, that explains it,' the doctor replies, looking at them gravely. 'He is in a Korma.'

A guy is going on an ocean cruise, and he tells his doctor that he's worry about getting seasick.

The doctor suggests, 'Eat two pounds of stewed tomatoes before you leave the dock.'

The guy replies, 'Would that keep me from getting sick, Doc?'

The doctor says, 'No, but it'll look real pretty in the water.'