Medical

A man wakes up to find his dog, dead, lying next to the bed on the floor. He doesn't believe his dog is dead, so he takes him to the vet, and the vet says, 'I'm sorry, but your dog is dead.' The man doesn't believe him and says, 'I want a second opinion.'
The doctor goes into the back and brings out a cat. The cat jumps all over the dog and bites it and says to the vet, 'Meeoowrr.' The vet says again, 'I'm sorry, sir, your dog is dead.'
The man says, 'No, I want another opinion.'
So the doctor brings out a Laborador Retriever and he jumps all over the dead dog and tugs at it and barks at it and says to the vet, 'Rrrrr.' The vet says, 'I'm sorry, sir, but your dog is dead. that will be 500 dollars.'
'$500 to tell me my dog is dead?' asks the man.
'Well,' the vet replies, 'I'm 100 dollars, the cat scan was 300 and the lab test was 200 dollars.'

A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "I can't stop passing gas. Luckily, my farts don't smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted twice since I've been here in your office, but you didn't even notice." "I can help you," says the doc. "Take these pills and come back next week." The next week, the lady returns. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what you gave me, but now my farts reek." The doctor says, "Good, we fixed your sinuses! Now let's work on your hearing."

A woman met a man at a club and went back to his place for sex. Afterward, she said “You must be a good dentist.” He replied, “How did you know I'm a dentist.” She said, “I didn't feel a thing.”

Did you hear about the depressed proctologist?

He's been feeling down in the dumps.