Medical

Q: Why did the cat go to the hospital?

A: To have a cat-scan done.

There was a man whose elbow hurt so he told his friend he was going to the doctor. His friend told him to go to the pharmacy where there is a machine that for ten dollars and a urine sample will tell you what is wrong with you. So he went to the pharmacy and put the ten dollars and his urine sample in. After a minute a paper came out and said that he has tennis elbow and he should soak his elbow in warm water for the next two weeks. That night, he decided the machine must be a fraud.

So, the next day he made a mixture of tap water, his daughter's urine, his dog's urine -- and he added some of his own semen to it. He brought it to the pharmacy and put ten dollars and the stuff in. After a minute the paper came out and said, 'The tap water has lead, the dog has worms, your daughter is on drugs and she's not your daughter.'

What do eskimos get from sitting on a block of ice?

Polaroids!

Two guys are sharing a hospital room.

"What are you in for?"

"I'm getting a circumcision."

"Damn! I had that done when I was born and I couldn't walk for a year!"