Medical

A man wakes up to find his dog, dead, lying next to the bed on the floor. He doesn't believe his dog is dead, so he takes him to the vet, and the vet says, 'I'm sorry, but your dog is dead.' The man doesn't believe him and says, 'I want a second opinion.'
The doctor goes into the back and brings out a cat. The cat jumps all over the dog and bites it and says to the vet, 'Meeoowrr.' The vet says again, 'I'm sorry, sir, your dog is dead.'
The man says, 'No, I want another opinion.'
So the doctor brings out a Laborador Retriever and he jumps all over the dead dog and tugs at it and barks at it and says to the vet, 'Rrrrr.' The vet says, 'I'm sorry, sir, but your dog is dead. that will be 500 dollars.'
'$500 to tell me my dog is dead?' asks the man.
'Well,' the vet replies, 'I'm 100 dollars, the cat scan was 300 and the lab test was 200 dollars.'

Q: What is the difference between a brain surgeon and God?

A: God doesn't think he's a brain surgeon!

One day, a man had an accident at work, which resulted in him getting his eye gouged out. He was rushed to hospital, and, after awaking from an emergency operation, was told by the doctor that he'd been given a glass eye. The man looked in the mirror to see the result, and was shocked to see that, whereas his original eye colour was blue, his new glass eye was brown. The man was outraged. 'I can't walk around like this!!"

"Sir," the doctor said, "there is a severe shortage on blue eyes. We had to give you a brown one. If somehow you can get hold of a blue eye, and bring it here to the hospital, we will happily fit it for you.'

A few weeks later, the man was driving home from work late one night during a big storm. Suddenly, the car in front of him lost control and skidded off the road before finally hitting a tree. The man screeched to a halt, and ran down the embankment to see if he could help. He found the driver of the car sprawled out over the wreckage, dead as a doornail...with a blue glass eye! As it was so late at night and during such a big storm, noone was about. So the man proceeded to get a screwdriver and removed one of the deceased man's blue eyes, replacing it with his brown glass eye. He raced down to the local hospital to have the replacement blue eye fitted. A few days later, the man was driving along the same stretch of road when he saw the police examining the crash scene and towing the car wreck away. Concerned to find out if the police were on to him, the man decided to go over to try and see if the police had any leads.

'Excuse me, sir," said the policeman. "Do you know anything about this at all?'

'No, constable', said the man.

'Well, we can't figure this out. Somehow, this bloke managed to drive 40 miles with two glass eyes!'

A lady with a frog stuck to her head comes to the doctor's office. When the doctor asked her what's wrong the frog says, “I got something stuck to my ass!”