Medical

A man and his wife went to the doctor's office and the doctor asked the man for a blood, urine, and feces sample.

The man was slightly deaf and said, 'What?'

Again, the doctor said, 'I need a blood, urine and feces sample."

The man still looked puzzled, so his wife leaned over and yelled into his ear:

'Sheldon, the doctor needs a pair of your underwear!'

One night, a father passed by his son's room and heard his son praying: "God bless Mommy, Daddy, and Grandma. Ta ta, Grandpa."

The father didn't quite know what this meant, but was glad his son was praying. The next morning, they found Grandpa dead on the floor of a heart attack. The father reassured himself that it was just a coincidence, but was still a bit spooked.

The next night, he heard his son praying again: "God bless Mommy and Daddy. Ta ta, Grandma."

The father was worried, but decided to wait until morning. Sure enough, the next morning Grandma was on the floor, dead of a heart attack.

Really scared now, the father decided to wait outside his son's door the next night. And sure enough, the boy started to pray: "God bless Mommy. Ta ta, Daddy."

Now the father was crapping his pants. He stayed up all night, and went to the doctor's early the next day to make sure his health was fine. When he finally came home, his wife was waiting on the porch. She said, "Thank God you're here -- we could really use your help! We found milkman dead on our porch this morning!"

A doctor, a nurse, and the top executive of an HMO have all died and are in line together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter speaks with them and asks what good each has done in their life.

Doctor: 'I have devoted my life to the sick and needy and have had a part in caring for, and healing thousands of poor people.'

St. Peter: 'That's great. Go ahead in to heaven. And what about you, dear?'

Nurse: 'I've supported the good doctor and his patients my entire life as an adult.'

St. Peter: 'Wonderful. Please proceed in with the doctor. And what about you?'

Health Maintenance Organizaton Director: 'I was the president of a very large HMO and was responsible for the healthcare of millions of people all over the country.'

St. Peter: 'Oh, I see. Please go in...but you can only stay two nights!'

There's a woman that has a big problem when it came to farting. She farts all the time, yet is never be able to smell or hear them. So one day she decides to go to the doctor about the problem. She tells him how she is always leaving these long, hard farts that she can never smell or hear. The doctor thinks about it and sends her home with some pills, telling her to come back a week later.

When she comes back to his office, she tells him how she still is having these horrible farts, but now they smell like rotting eggs. The doctor's only reaction to this was... "It's good to know we cleared up your sinuses. Now to work on your hearing...."