joke collection 74
Q: How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: One, but if he changes it, the whole building will probably fall down.
Q: How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Two. One always leaves in the middle of the project.
Q: How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Five. Two to write the specification program, one to screw it in, and two to explain why the project was late.
Q: How many 'real' programmers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. 'Real' programmers prefer LEDs.
Q: How many Newtons does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Foux! There to eat lemons, axe gravy soup.
Q: How many Newtons does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Farm.
Note: Refers to the Newton's poor handwriting recognition techniques of the past.
Q: How many Apple Newton users does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Only one, tharks to the extnq-producilve handwritling processcr.
Q: How many alt.freaks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: None, they just all move into a room with a working light.
A: One, but if he changes it, the whole building will probably fall down.
Q: How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Two. One always leaves in the middle of the project.
Q: How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Five. Two to write the specification program, one to screw it in, and two to explain why the project was late.
Q: How many 'real' programmers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. 'Real' programmers prefer LEDs.
Q: How many Newtons does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Foux! There to eat lemons, axe gravy soup.
Q: How many Newtons does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Farm.
Note: Refers to the Newton's poor handwriting recognition techniques of the past.
Q: How many Apple Newton users does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Only one, tharks to the extnq-producilve handwritling processcr.
Q: How many alt.freaks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: None, they just all move into a room with a working light.
joke collection 75
Q: How many alt.anagrams readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Three. One to say it can't be done because there aren't enough vowels, one to be clever and change "a lightbulb" into "bull bit hag", and one to try and sell copies of the "Anagram for Windows" program he wrote.
Q: How many alt.fan.pratchett readers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Four. One to actually change the bulb, one to write amusing footnotes about it, one to propose to Laura, and a newbie to ask if that's really THE Terry Or colette or both, and then to realise that the speed of light can't be measured, except in badgers, or possibly multiple of pi, then to say sod it and ask if anyone knows where to find the lyrics for the hedgehog song...
Q: How many alt.folklore.urban readers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: It depends on the way the bulb is threaded.
Q: How many alt.folklore.urban readers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Two-fifty.
Q: How many alt.folklore.urban readers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One, to be dying of cancer and request that everybody around the world send him light bulbs so he can get into the Guinness Book of World Records.
Q: How many alt.folklore.urban readers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One, who'll do it for food.
Q: How many alt.folklore.urban readers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One, to have a drink with a strange woman in a bar and pass out, wake up three days later in a seedy hotel room, find a scar on his back, and realize where the light bulb went.
Q: How many Mensans does it take to screw in a litebulb?
A: None. They know that litebulb is misspelled and therefore cannot exist to be screwed in. Now of course, if it were a Miller Lite bulb...
A: Three. One to say it can't be done because there aren't enough vowels, one to be clever and change "a lightbulb" into "bull bit hag", and one to try and sell copies of the "Anagram for Windows" program he wrote.
Q: How many alt.fan.pratchett readers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Four. One to actually change the bulb, one to write amusing footnotes about it, one to propose to Laura, and a newbie to ask if that's really THE Terry Or colette or both, and then to realise that the speed of light can't be measured, except in badgers, or possibly multiple of pi, then to say sod it and ask if anyone knows where to find the lyrics for the hedgehog song...
Q: How many alt.folklore.urban readers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: It depends on the way the bulb is threaded.
Q: How many alt.folklore.urban readers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Two-fifty.
Q: How many alt.folklore.urban readers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One, to be dying of cancer and request that everybody around the world send him light bulbs so he can get into the Guinness Book of World Records.
Q: How many alt.folklore.urban readers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One, who'll do it for food.
Q: How many alt.folklore.urban readers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One, to have a drink with a strange woman in a bar and pass out, wake up three days later in a seedy hotel room, find a scar on his back, and realize where the light bulb went.
Q: How many Mensans does it take to screw in a litebulb?
A: None. They know that litebulb is misspelled and therefore cannot exist to be screwed in. Now of course, if it were a Miller Lite bulb...
joke collection 76
Q: How many USENETers does it take to screw in a ligth bulb?
A. None. They are so busy hogging up bandwidth taking out their postadolescent frustrations on each other, that they never get around to it!
Q: How many rec.humor.funny readers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: 50. They all stand out in the hall while Maddi comes out every once in a while and looks at all the light bulbs people have brought. Finally she selects a few. They're all quite feeble and burn out after a few minutes, so she comes out for more. But she selects more dim bulbs, which causes great discontent among the people who have brought really bright, long-lasting bulbs.
Q: How many rec.humour posters does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 31. One to change the lightbulb and thirty to flame them for picking the wrong wattage. No, better make that 32 ... Captain Nitpick will want to point out that the newsgroup is rec.humor (US spelling) *not* rec.humour.
Q: How many rec.humor readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: 100-one to announce that it burned out, 10 to agree, 20 to come running in with new light bulbs and screw them in, 9 to screw them in and leave the old bulb in, 10 to ask for a videotape of the screwing, another one to come in a few minutes later and notice the bulb went out again and start the whole process all over again. And one (me!) to notice that this doesn't actually add up to 100.
Q: How many rec.humor readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: 1000. And they change the same bulb over and over and over again and still no one notices it's been changed so they change it again and again and then they even discuss it and then someone flames them for not doing it in rec.humor.d.
Q: How many rec.humor readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: 565. 1 to put in a trick bulb (say, a flash bulb), 6 to flame the first, pointing out that this bulb is different from the old one, 29 to counter-flame, pointing out that the new bulb is *deliberately* different, and is parodying the old one, 7 to leave the room, citing the extreme density of the 6, 12 to demand that this commentary be redirected to the other room, 14 to ask that the bulb be changed again, since they missed seeing it the first time, and 496 (a bit excessive, but it's not my joke) to climb all over each other, trying to put the old bulb back in.
Q: How many rec.humor readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: An infinitely growing number: One to announce that the bulb burned out. Ten to agree. One to change it, one to post in saying "I got it", one to post in saying "Yes, but they have shots for it nowadays", one to post in saying "Our news software hasn't been working and I missed the original lightbulb joke. Would someone please post it again or email it to me ?", one to post in quoting everything so far and the words "Me too", two to turn it into a cascade, another ten to build the cascade into a disk-wasting monster, one to post in with "I don't get it. Isn't this the place for FUNNY jokes ?", one to post in after two months "What's this lightbulb joke you're all talking about ?", one to repost it a month later thinking it's a new joke, one to post "I didn't get it. What's the punchline ?", one to post "Has anyone got a list of these? I'm starting a list, so please send me all your lightbulb jokes", and one to cross-post the joke to alt.fan.lightbulbs 6 months later prefixed by "Are we allowed to tell jokes in here ?" and accompanied by all of our old favourites like "How many programmers...? None that's a hardware problem.", three to ask, a month later, "What FTP sites are the old lightbulbs archived at ?", and any number to revive the entire exchange at stochastic intervals of two to six months.
Q: How many rec.humor readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: 28. One to screw in the first one, 3 to follow the first one by screwing in the exact same bulb, 20 to screw in an almost completely similar bulb with a slight difference, 3 to complain about the lighting, 1 to explain that it was not the right type of bulb for this socket, and 1 standing by displaying the canonical collection of bulbs.
A. None. They are so busy hogging up bandwidth taking out their postadolescent frustrations on each other, that they never get around to it!
Q: How many rec.humor.funny readers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: 50. They all stand out in the hall while Maddi comes out every once in a while and looks at all the light bulbs people have brought. Finally she selects a few. They're all quite feeble and burn out after a few minutes, so she comes out for more. But she selects more dim bulbs, which causes great discontent among the people who have brought really bright, long-lasting bulbs.
Q: How many rec.humour posters does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 31. One to change the lightbulb and thirty to flame them for picking the wrong wattage. No, better make that 32 ... Captain Nitpick will want to point out that the newsgroup is rec.humor (US spelling) *not* rec.humour.
Q: How many rec.humor readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: 100-one to announce that it burned out, 10 to agree, 20 to come running in with new light bulbs and screw them in, 9 to screw them in and leave the old bulb in, 10 to ask for a videotape of the screwing, another one to come in a few minutes later and notice the bulb went out again and start the whole process all over again. And one (me!) to notice that this doesn't actually add up to 100.
Q: How many rec.humor readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: 1000. And they change the same bulb over and over and over again and still no one notices it's been changed so they change it again and again and then they even discuss it and then someone flames them for not doing it in rec.humor.d.
Q: How many rec.humor readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: 565. 1 to put in a trick bulb (say, a flash bulb), 6 to flame the first, pointing out that this bulb is different from the old one, 29 to counter-flame, pointing out that the new bulb is *deliberately* different, and is parodying the old one, 7 to leave the room, citing the extreme density of the 6, 12 to demand that this commentary be redirected to the other room, 14 to ask that the bulb be changed again, since they missed seeing it the first time, and 496 (a bit excessive, but it's not my joke) to climb all over each other, trying to put the old bulb back in.
Q: How many rec.humor readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: An infinitely growing number: One to announce that the bulb burned out. Ten to agree. One to change it, one to post in saying "I got it", one to post in saying "Yes, but they have shots for it nowadays", one to post in saying "Our news software hasn't been working and I missed the original lightbulb joke. Would someone please post it again or email it to me ?", one to post in quoting everything so far and the words "Me too", two to turn it into a cascade, another ten to build the cascade into a disk-wasting monster, one to post in with "I don't get it. Isn't this the place for FUNNY jokes ?", one to post in after two months "What's this lightbulb joke you're all talking about ?", one to repost it a month later thinking it's a new joke, one to post "I didn't get it. What's the punchline ?", one to post "Has anyone got a list of these? I'm starting a list, so please send me all your lightbulb jokes", and one to cross-post the joke to alt.fan.lightbulbs 6 months later prefixed by "Are we allowed to tell jokes in here ?" and accompanied by all of our old favourites like "How many programmers...? None that's a hardware problem.", three to ask, a month later, "What FTP sites are the old lightbulbs archived at ?", and any number to revive the entire exchange at stochastic intervals of two to six months.
Q: How many rec.humor readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: 28. One to screw in the first one, 3 to follow the first one by screwing in the exact same bulb, 20 to screw in an almost completely similar bulb with a slight difference, 3 to complain about the lighting, 1 to explain that it was not the right type of bulb for this socket, and 1 standing by displaying the canonical collection of bulbs.
joke collection 77
Q: How many sci.math readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Pi. Two hold the ladder, one the bulb, but something irrational remains about it.
Q: How many alt.tla readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: One-no! Six is!
Q: How many alt.newbie readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Me! Me too! Me too!
Q: How many alt.fan.hofstadter readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. They have special lightbulbs that screw themselves.
Q: How many alt.fan.douglas-adams readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: 42.
Q: How many alt.alien.visitors readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: One. (screw screw screw) Aargh! The light! I'm being abducted!
Q: How many alt.1d readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Hmmm, yes, very funny, but what has this got to do with 1d ?
Q: How many alt.spam readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: One, if you buy our newest ACME Lightbulb screwer, for only $10, from XPOSTS R US, Velveeta, Ca, USA. Contact now!
A: Pi. Two hold the ladder, one the bulb, but something irrational remains about it.
Q: How many alt.tla readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: One-no! Six is!
Q: How many alt.newbie readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Me! Me too! Me too!
Q: How many alt.fan.hofstadter readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. They have special lightbulbs that screw themselves.
Q: How many alt.fan.douglas-adams readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: 42.
Q: How many alt.alien.visitors readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: One. (screw screw screw) Aargh! The light! I'm being abducted!
Q: How many alt.1d readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Hmmm, yes, very funny, but what has this got to do with 1d ?
Q: How many alt.spam readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: One, if you buy our newest ACME Lightbulb screwer, for only $10, from XPOSTS R US, Velveeta, Ca, USA. Contact now!
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