joke collection 70
Q: How many experienced computer users does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Why do they have to keep changing it ? Every bloody week. You'd've thought they'd have learnt by now, if it's not broken they shouldn't bugger about with it. What's that ? It WAS broken this time you say ? *Blush*
Q: How many PC users does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Two. One to do it, but one to check the new bulb for viruses first.
Q: How many municipal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Seven - two to administer the Civil Service examination for the Light Bulb Administrator position, the Commissioner of Public Works, who ends up hiring his brother for the position anyway, one to plow the mayor's driveway, a Summer Youth student to actually screw it in, and a Union steward to protest that its the electrician's job to screw in lightbulbs.
Q: How many fat-cat factory owners does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. The replacement bulbs have refused to cross the union picket lines.
Q: How many carpenters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Sod you! That's the electrician's job.
Q: How many utilitarians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: As many as are happy screwing in light bulbs.
Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to hold the giraffe and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools.
Q: How many sado-masochists does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Two. One to hold it and one to kick the chair out from under him.
A: Why do they have to keep changing it ? Every bloody week. You'd've thought they'd have learnt by now, if it's not broken they shouldn't bugger about with it. What's that ? It WAS broken this time you say ? *Blush*
Q: How many PC users does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Two. One to do it, but one to check the new bulb for viruses first.
Q: How many municipal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Seven - two to administer the Civil Service examination for the Light Bulb Administrator position, the Commissioner of Public Works, who ends up hiring his brother for the position anyway, one to plow the mayor's driveway, a Summer Youth student to actually screw it in, and a Union steward to protest that its the electrician's job to screw in lightbulbs.
Q: How many fat-cat factory owners does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. The replacement bulbs have refused to cross the union picket lines.
Q: How many carpenters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Sod you! That's the electrician's job.
Q: How many utilitarians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: As many as are happy screwing in light bulbs.
Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to hold the giraffe and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools.
Q: How many sado-masochists does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Two. One to hold it and one to kick the chair out from under him.
joke collection 71
Q: How many consultants does it take to change a light bulb?
A: We don't know. They never get past the feasibility study.
Q: How many poets does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three. One to curse the darkness, one to light a candle... and one to change the bulb.
Q: How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 24 1/8, but that's down 3/8 from yesterday.
Q: How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
Q: How many existentialists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to screw it in and one to observe how the lightbulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
Q: How many Paul Daniels does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. "And that's magic !"
Q: How many Will Rogers' does it take to change a dead light bulb?
A: None. He never met a dead light bulb he didn't like.
Q: How many heterosexual males does it take to screw in a light bulb in San Francisco?
A: Both of them.
A: We don't know. They never get past the feasibility study.
Q: How many poets does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three. One to curse the darkness, one to light a candle... and one to change the bulb.
Q: How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 24 1/8, but that's down 3/8 from yesterday.
Q: How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
Q: How many existentialists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to screw it in and one to observe how the lightbulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
Q: How many Paul Daniels does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. "And that's magic !"
Q: How many Will Rogers' does it take to change a dead light bulb?
A: None. He never met a dead light bulb he didn't like.
Q: How many heterosexual males does it take to screw in a light bulb in San Francisco?
A: Both of them.
joke collection 72
Q: How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 50. 50? Yeah 50; its in the contract.
Q: How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Five - one to change the bulb and four to protect him from muggers.
Q: How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 21 - one to change it and 20 to watch it happen without trying to stop it.
Q: How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two-one to get murdered under the burnt-out bulb and the other to replace it after the ensuing publicity.
Q: How many polite, considerate native New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Both of them.
Q: How many Yorkshiremen does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Four. One to change it, one to hold his racing pigeon, one to hold his greyhound, and one to drink his pint of bitter.
Q: How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Four. One to design the change, one to implement it, one to document it, and one to maintain it afterwards.
A: 50. 50? Yeah 50; its in the contract.
Q: How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Five - one to change the bulb and four to protect him from muggers.
Q: How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 21 - one to change it and 20 to watch it happen without trying to stop it.
Q: How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two-one to get murdered under the burnt-out bulb and the other to replace it after the ensuing publicity.
Q: How many polite, considerate native New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Both of them.
Q: How many Yorkshiremen does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Four. One to change it, one to hold his racing pigeon, one to hold his greyhound, and one to drink his pint of bitter.
Q: How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Four. One to design the change, one to implement it, one to document it, and one to maintain it afterwards.
joke collection 73
Q: How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: It's hard to say. Each time we separate the bulb into its modules to do unit testing, it stops working.
Q: How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: The change is 90% complete.
Q: How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: We looked at the light fixture and decided there's no point trying to maintain it. We're going to rewrite it from scratch. Could you wait two months?
Q: How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Only one, but she's not available. She's the only programmer we have who can get the [insert name here] software ready to ship to customers, and that's higher priority, you know.
Q: How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Four, plus one senior analyst to manage the project, one technical writer to correct the spelling and grammar of the one who documented it, one lightbulb librarian, a sales-force of at least five to drum up enough users who want to turn the light on, 274 users to burn out the new bulb, at which point we go to tender for another light bulb change,...
Q: How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Of course, as everyone knows, just five years ago all it took was a bunch of kids in a garage in Palo Alto to change a light bulb.
Q: How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. "It's not a bug, it's a feature."
Q: How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Trick question. Programmers don't do hardware. (same answer really as "None. It's a hardware problem.")
A: It's hard to say. Each time we separate the bulb into its modules to do unit testing, it stops working.
Q: How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: The change is 90% complete.
Q: How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: We looked at the light fixture and decided there's no point trying to maintain it. We're going to rewrite it from scratch. Could you wait two months?
Q: How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Only one, but she's not available. She's the only programmer we have who can get the [insert name here] software ready to ship to customers, and that's higher priority, you know.
Q: How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Four, plus one senior analyst to manage the project, one technical writer to correct the spelling and grammar of the one who documented it, one lightbulb librarian, a sales-force of at least five to drum up enough users who want to turn the light on, 274 users to burn out the new bulb, at which point we go to tender for another light bulb change,...
Q: How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Of course, as everyone knows, just five years ago all it took was a bunch of kids in a garage in Palo Alto to change a light bulb.
Q: How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. "It's not a bug, it's a feature."
Q: How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Trick question. Programmers don't do hardware. (same answer really as "None. It's a hardware problem.")
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