joke collection 62
Q: How many battery chickens does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 21. 1 to change the bulb, and 20 to provide the current.
Q: How many elephants does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Two, but it has to be a pretty big light bulb!
Q: Why did the lightbulb cross the road ?
A: Because it saw 2 elephants coming.
Q: How many televangelists does it take to screw in a lightbulb ?
A: None. They screw in hotel rooms.
Q: How many gas fitters does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Three: One to turn up the day before when you're out, one to change the switch, and one to bring along the wrong kind of bulb.
Q: How many Romanians does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: 60,000 dead and 300,000 injured.
Q: How many Romanians does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. Ceaucescu restricted them to use only one 40 watt bulb per family to save electricity.
Q: How many Romanians does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: How many packs of cigarettes are you willing to give them?
A: 21. 1 to change the bulb, and 20 to provide the current.
Q: How many elephants does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Two, but it has to be a pretty big light bulb!
Q: Why did the lightbulb cross the road ?
A: Because it saw 2 elephants coming.
Q: How many televangelists does it take to screw in a lightbulb ?
A: None. They screw in hotel rooms.
Q: How many gas fitters does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Three: One to turn up the day before when you're out, one to change the switch, and one to bring along the wrong kind of bulb.
Q: How many Romanians does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: 60,000 dead and 300,000 injured.
Q: How many Romanians does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. Ceaucescu restricted them to use only one 40 watt bulb per family to save electricity.
Q: How many Romanians does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: How many packs of cigarettes are you willing to give them?
joke collection 63
Q: How many tourists does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Six. One to hold the bulb and five to ask for directions.
Q: How many rednecks does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One, it only takes one person to use a hammer.
Q: How many rednecks does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three, one to change the bulb, one to take care of the sheep, and one to observe and try to think why he isn't tending to the sheep's needs.
Q: How many rednecks does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two, one to drive their home to the hardware store and one to buy the bulb and screw it in.
Q: How many Norwegians does is take to change a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to screw in the bulb and one to tell a long story about it...
Q: How many public opinion researchers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: With what degree of certainty do you need to know?
Q: How many Greenpeace researchers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two, one to put in the new one and one to recycle the old one.
Q: How many Green Party members does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, they use light bulbs which don't burn out, so they don't know how.
A: Six. One to hold the bulb and five to ask for directions.
Q: How many rednecks does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One, it only takes one person to use a hammer.
Q: How many rednecks does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three, one to change the bulb, one to take care of the sheep, and one to observe and try to think why he isn't tending to the sheep's needs.
Q: How many rednecks does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two, one to drive their home to the hardware store and one to buy the bulb and screw it in.
Q: How many Norwegians does is take to change a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to screw in the bulb and one to tell a long story about it...
Q: How many public opinion researchers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: With what degree of certainty do you need to know?
Q: How many Greenpeace researchers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two, one to put in the new one and one to recycle the old one.
Q: How many Green Party members does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, they use light bulbs which don't burn out, so they don't know how.
joke collection 64
Q: How many trainspotters does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Three. One to change it, one to write its serial number down, and one to bring the anoraks and the flask of soup.
Q: How many [cricket] Test Match Special commentators does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Four. One to change it, one to eat the lovely chocolate cake sent in by the Bournemouth Womens Institute, one to say "Now when was the last time we had to change a light bulb on-air - wasn't it 1989 at Lords ?" and one to comment on the lovely red bus going down the Oxford Road.
Q: How many Blue Peter presenters does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Two. One to change it, and one to turn the old one into an attractive Christmas tree decoration.
Q: What if you have *two* dead bulbs?
A: They replace your fuse box.
Q: How many system administrators does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None, they just deny everyone access to the area served by the light bulb in question.
Q: How many Systems Assurance testers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. We just noticed the room was dark. We don't fix the problems, we just find them.
Q: How many Unix hacks does it take to change a light bulb?
A: As many as you want; they're all virtual, anyway.
Q: How many Unix hacks does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, but first he has to determine the correct path.
A: Three. One to change it, one to write its serial number down, and one to bring the anoraks and the flask of soup.
Q: How many [cricket] Test Match Special commentators does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Four. One to change it, one to eat the lovely chocolate cake sent in by the Bournemouth Womens Institute, one to say "Now when was the last time we had to change a light bulb on-air - wasn't it 1989 at Lords ?" and one to comment on the lovely red bus going down the Oxford Road.
Q: How many Blue Peter presenters does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Two. One to change it, and one to turn the old one into an attractive Christmas tree decoration.
Q: What if you have *two* dead bulbs?
A: They replace your fuse box.
Q: How many system administrators does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None, they just deny everyone access to the area served by the light bulb in question.
Q: How many Systems Assurance testers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. We just noticed the room was dark. We don't fix the problems, we just find them.
Q: How many Unix hacks does it take to change a light bulb?
A: As many as you want; they're all virtual, anyway.
Q: How many Unix hacks does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, but first he has to determine the correct path.
joke collection 65
Q: How many unix programmers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Only one, but if you forget to tell him "2]" he'll mash both the live and dead bulbs into the same socket at once.
Q: How many Unix Support staff does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Read the man page!
Q: How many software vendors does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None: You have to do it yourself, pay them $99 for the privilege, and re-wire your sockets to suit the new bulb.
Q: How many Bell Labs Vice Presidents does it take to change a light bulb?
A: That's proprietary information. Answer available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only).
Q: How many Bell Labs Vice Presidents does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Nearly unanswerable, since the one who tries to change it usually drops it, and the others call for a planning session.
Q: How many Bell Labs Vice Presidents does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three. One to get the bulb and two to get the phone number of one of their subordinates to actually change it.
Q: How many VMS heads does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: All of them, and they will all scream at you in unison and tell you that the only lightbulb you can use is a 100-watt soft white but you can use any 100-watt soft white as long as it's manufactured by DEC.
Q: How many VMS heads does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: "Errr... Well, I've got a patch that I could apply to it, but if you can just wait till next year, it'll all be fixed when we upgrade to lightbulb version 6.1..."
A: Only one, but if you forget to tell him "2]" he'll mash both the live and dead bulbs into the same socket at once.
Q: How many Unix Support staff does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Read the man page!
Q: How many software vendors does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None: You have to do it yourself, pay them $99 for the privilege, and re-wire your sockets to suit the new bulb.
Q: How many Bell Labs Vice Presidents does it take to change a light bulb?
A: That's proprietary information. Answer available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only).
Q: How many Bell Labs Vice Presidents does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Nearly unanswerable, since the one who tries to change it usually drops it, and the others call for a planning session.
Q: How many Bell Labs Vice Presidents does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three. One to get the bulb and two to get the phone number of one of their subordinates to actually change it.
Q: How many VMS heads does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: All of them, and they will all scream at you in unison and tell you that the only lightbulb you can use is a 100-watt soft white but you can use any 100-watt soft white as long as it's manufactured by DEC.
Q: How many VMS heads does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: "Errr... Well, I've got a patch that I could apply to it, but if you can just wait till next year, it'll all be fixed when we upgrade to lightbulb version 6.1..."
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