joke collection 50
Q: How many Americans does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: 250,000,000, one to change it and 249,999,999 to debate whether it it was politically correct.
Q: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Only one, but the lightbulb must want to change.
Q: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
Q: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: How long have you been having this phantasy ?
Q: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: How many do *you* think it takes?
Q: How many witches does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: It depends on what you want them to change it into.
Q: How many egotists does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: One. He holds onto the lightbulb, and waits for the world to revolve around him.
Q: How many roadies does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: One, two ! One, two ! One, two !
A: 250,000,000, one to change it and 249,999,999 to debate whether it it was politically correct.
Q: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Only one, but the lightbulb must want to change.
Q: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
Q: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: How long have you been having this phantasy ?
Q: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: How many do *you* think it takes?
Q: How many witches does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: It depends on what you want them to change it into.
Q: How many egotists does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: One. He holds onto the lightbulb, and waits for the world to revolve around him.
Q: How many roadies does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: One, two ! One, two ! One, two !
joke collection 51
Q: How many roadies does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. "I don't do lights. That's the light crew's job."
Q: How many roadies does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: One: Upon finding no replacement, he takes the original apart, repairs it with a chewing gum wrapper and duct tape, changes the screw mount to bayonet mount, finds an appropriate patch cable, and re-installs the bulb fifty feet from where it should have been, to the satisfaction of the rest of the band.
Q: How many alt.music.pink-floyd readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: 51. One to screw in the bulb, one to notice some small detail of the bulb-screwing and tie it into the Publius Enigma, 15 more to expand on his point, 12 to flame him, 10 to argue that you're not really screwing in a light bulb, that only Roger Waters can screw in a light bulb, 8 more to say that Dave Gilmour can screw in a light bulb better than Roger ever could, two to say that the best way to screw in a bulb is if Dave and Roger do it together, one to say that Syd Barrett is actually the best bulb-screwer, and of course one newbie to ask what Publius is, who will be subsequently referred to the FAQ, which he will then ask where to find.
Q: How many Limbaugh-heads does it take to change a light bulb?
A: The number is irrelevant; they just stand around muttering "ditto". And they don't do anything in the first place.
Q: How many vegans does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Two. One to change it and one to get out a copy of The Ethical Consumer (or similar) and discover to his/her horror that the manufacturer (Thorn Lighting) is part of Thorn EMI who are involved in, errrr, I dunno, testing software on mainframes or making farms for 3rd world potaters or something.
Q: How many vegans does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Dozens and dozens to go round selling raffle tickets so they can afford to buy the new one.
Q: How many vegans does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Two, one to change it and one to phone round and cancel the party they were going to have to celebrate the old one burning brightly for 50 years.
Q: How many vegans does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. They are all too busy on much more important projects, like organizing each other's lifts to the veggie restaurant meal.
A: None. "I don't do lights. That's the light crew's job."
Q: How many roadies does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: One: Upon finding no replacement, he takes the original apart, repairs it with a chewing gum wrapper and duct tape, changes the screw mount to bayonet mount, finds an appropriate patch cable, and re-installs the bulb fifty feet from where it should have been, to the satisfaction of the rest of the band.
Q: How many alt.music.pink-floyd readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: 51. One to screw in the bulb, one to notice some small detail of the bulb-screwing and tie it into the Publius Enigma, 15 more to expand on his point, 12 to flame him, 10 to argue that you're not really screwing in a light bulb, that only Roger Waters can screw in a light bulb, 8 more to say that Dave Gilmour can screw in a light bulb better than Roger ever could, two to say that the best way to screw in a bulb is if Dave and Roger do it together, one to say that Syd Barrett is actually the best bulb-screwer, and of course one newbie to ask what Publius is, who will be subsequently referred to the FAQ, which he will then ask where to find.
Q: How many Limbaugh-heads does it take to change a light bulb?
A: The number is irrelevant; they just stand around muttering "ditto". And they don't do anything in the first place.
Q: How many vegans does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Two. One to change it and one to get out a copy of The Ethical Consumer (or similar) and discover to his/her horror that the manufacturer (Thorn Lighting) is part of Thorn EMI who are involved in, errrr, I dunno, testing software on mainframes or making farms for 3rd world potaters or something.
Q: How many vegans does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Dozens and dozens to go round selling raffle tickets so they can afford to buy the new one.
Q: How many vegans does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Two, one to change it and one to phone round and cancel the party they were going to have to celebrate the old one burning brightly for 50 years.
Q: How many vegans does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. They are all too busy on much more important projects, like organizing each other's lifts to the veggie restaurant meal.
joke collection 52
Q: How many people at a London Vegans meeting does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: All thirty. Well, actually it's only one, but he has to wait at least half an hour while the others read out all the announcements.
Q: How many macrobiotics does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Three. One to make the coffee, one to get the cigarettes, and one to ask Michio Kushi for instructions.
Q: How many old macrobiotics does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Five. One to change it, three to hold the ladder, and one to call the ambulance.
Q: How many young macrobiotics does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. They all sit in a circle, watching the old macrobiotics, and think beautiful thoughts.
Q: How many holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, they just deny the bulb ever went out in the first place.
Q: How many Ethiopians does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Three. One to change it and two to squabble over who gets to eat the packaging.
Q: How many college students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: I don't know. I forgot my calculator at home.
Q: How many university students does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Two. One to fuse all the electrics while doing something silly, and one to phone the landlord to ask for the lightbulb to be changed.
A: All thirty. Well, actually it's only one, but he has to wait at least half an hour while the others read out all the announcements.
Q: How many macrobiotics does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Three. One to make the coffee, one to get the cigarettes, and one to ask Michio Kushi for instructions.
Q: How many old macrobiotics does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Five. One to change it, three to hold the ladder, and one to call the ambulance.
Q: How many young macrobiotics does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. They all sit in a circle, watching the old macrobiotics, and think beautiful thoughts.
Q: How many holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, they just deny the bulb ever went out in the first place.
Q: How many Ethiopians does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Three. One to change it and two to squabble over who gets to eat the packaging.
Q: How many college students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: I don't know. I forgot my calculator at home.
Q: How many university students does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Two. One to fuse all the electrics while doing something silly, and one to phone the landlord to ask for the lightbulb to be changed.
joke collection 53
Q: How many university students does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: 31. Ten to vote on whether the light bulb needs changing, whether they should join the Lightbulbs Union first and then what to call the new lightbulb - (the Nelson Mandela lightbulb ?), one to put it in... and twenty to have a pissup after to celebrate a good days work...
Q: How many boarding school students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, they have their parents do it for them.
Q: How many off-campus landlords does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. The students will just wreck it, anyhow, so why bother?
Q: How many Chinese students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Twelve: one to screw in the lightbulb, one to sit in the jail, and ten to demonstrate on the streets.
Q: How many engineering students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One, but the rest of the class copies the report.
Q: How many first year civil engineering students does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. That's a second year subject.
Q: How many laboratory heads (senior researchers, etc.) does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Five; one to change the lightbulb, the other four to stand around arguing whether he/she is taking the right approach.
Q: How many research technicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One, but it'll probably take him/her three or four tries to get it right.
A: 31. Ten to vote on whether the light bulb needs changing, whether they should join the Lightbulbs Union first and then what to call the new lightbulb - (the Nelson Mandela lightbulb ?), one to put it in... and twenty to have a pissup after to celebrate a good days work...
Q: How many boarding school students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, they have their parents do it for them.
Q: How many off-campus landlords does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. The students will just wreck it, anyhow, so why bother?
Q: How many Chinese students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Twelve: one to screw in the lightbulb, one to sit in the jail, and ten to demonstrate on the streets.
Q: How many engineering students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One, but the rest of the class copies the report.
Q: How many first year civil engineering students does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. That's a second year subject.
Q: How many laboratory heads (senior researchers, etc.) does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Five; one to change the lightbulb, the other four to stand around arguing whether he/she is taking the right approach.
Q: How many research technicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One, but it'll probably take him/her three or four tries to get it right.
Page 15 of 27 «« Previous | Next »»