joke collection 38
Q: How many Daleks does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: 1,500,000: To conquer a race than can climb ladders for them.
Q: How many people of the anti-matter Universe does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Minus 2. -1 to change the bulb, -1 to have a fight with Captain Kirk.
Q: How many Minbari does it take to screw in a light-bulb?
A: None. They never finish the job and they refuse to tell you why.
Q: How many efficiency experts does it take to replace a light bulb?
A: None. Efficiency experts replace only dark bulbs.
Q: How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.
Q: How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to stand on a chair and change it and one to say "I wish I was up there !"
Q: How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: A finite number F. One to change it and F-1 to act in a stereotypical manner according to the part they're playing (See the formula @ the start.)
Q: How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two, one to screw it almost all the way in and the other to give it a surprising twist at the end.
A: 1,500,000: To conquer a race than can climb ladders for them.
Q: How many people of the anti-matter Universe does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Minus 2. -1 to change the bulb, -1 to have a fight with Captain Kirk.
Q: How many Minbari does it take to screw in a light-bulb?
A: None. They never finish the job and they refuse to tell you why.
Q: How many efficiency experts does it take to replace a light bulb?
A: None. Efficiency experts replace only dark bulbs.
Q: How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.
Q: How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to stand on a chair and change it and one to say "I wish I was up there !"
Q: How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: A finite number F. One to change it and F-1 to act in a stereotypical manner according to the part they're playing (See the formula @ the start.)
Q: How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two, one to screw it almost all the way in and the other to give it a surprising twist at the end.
joke collection 39
Q: How many bikers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: It takes two. One to change the bulb, and the other to kick the switch.
Q: How many Hell's Angels does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only one. But do you really want to hang upside down with a light bulb up your ass for asking??
Q: How many referral agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two: One to screw you out of a fee, and the other to send you to a store where they ran out of bulbs weeks ago.
Q: How many physiotherapists does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. They just give the dead bulb some exercises to do and hope it will be working a bit better the next time they see it.
Q: How many emergency room technicians does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: One, but the bulb will have to spend 45 minutes in the waiting room.
Q: How many NHS hospital staff does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Six. One to diagnose the problem, one to take an X-ray, one to wheel in the replacement on a trolley, one to apply an anaesthetic, one to do the delicate operation, and one to examine the late bulb in a post-mortem.
Q: How many NHS hospital staff does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Six. Person (1) reports bulb is not working and requests a new one. Department supervisor (2) sends order form to maintenance department. Maintenance department clerk (3) decides whether to make it priority case. Job booked. Supervisor (4) decides whether it should be done individually or with other jobs. Order is placed in maintenance man's pigeonhole. Maintenance man (5) fills in ticket describing job. He picks up the parts needed. He goes to scene of faulty lightbulb. He fits bulb or discovers he cannot mend light. He returns to department and reports back. He completes work ticket putting this in writing. Work ticket is checked by maintenance department to see whether order carried out. Then checked to see task completed in time set out under department guidelines. Ticket filed. Member of department (6) checks ticket against department work plan. Details go into department's workload report.
Q: How many body builders/weightlifters does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Four. One to change the lightbulb. One to spot. The other two to stand and yell support (Come on! You can do it! etc...) But they only get three attempts.
A: It takes two. One to change the bulb, and the other to kick the switch.
Q: How many Hell's Angels does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only one. But do you really want to hang upside down with a light bulb up your ass for asking??
Q: How many referral agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two: One to screw you out of a fee, and the other to send you to a store where they ran out of bulbs weeks ago.
Q: How many physiotherapists does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. They just give the dead bulb some exercises to do and hope it will be working a bit better the next time they see it.
Q: How many emergency room technicians does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: One, but the bulb will have to spend 45 minutes in the waiting room.
Q: How many NHS hospital staff does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Six. One to diagnose the problem, one to take an X-ray, one to wheel in the replacement on a trolley, one to apply an anaesthetic, one to do the delicate operation, and one to examine the late bulb in a post-mortem.
Q: How many NHS hospital staff does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Six. Person (1) reports bulb is not working and requests a new one. Department supervisor (2) sends order form to maintenance department. Maintenance department clerk (3) decides whether to make it priority case. Job booked. Supervisor (4) decides whether it should be done individually or with other jobs. Order is placed in maintenance man's pigeonhole. Maintenance man (5) fills in ticket describing job. He picks up the parts needed. He goes to scene of faulty lightbulb. He fits bulb or discovers he cannot mend light. He returns to department and reports back. He completes work ticket putting this in writing. Work ticket is checked by maintenance department to see whether order carried out. Then checked to see task completed in time set out under department guidelines. Ticket filed. Member of department (6) checks ticket against department work plan. Details go into department's workload report.
Q: How many body builders/weightlifters does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Four. One to change the lightbulb. One to spot. The other two to stand and yell support (Come on! You can do it! etc...) But they only get three attempts.
joke collection 40
Q: How many body builders/weightlifters does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: 6. One to change it and 5 to say "Man, you've got huge muscles !"
Q: How many Sun readers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 10. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
Q: How many Sun readers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, but one is enough to screw up the joke.
Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Duh.... whats a lightbulb???
Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: It depends how many blondes there are, but some people prefer it with the lights off.
Q: How many poltergeists does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Three. One to unscrew the old bulb and drop it on the floor, one to put the new bulb in, and one to move a few more things about just for good measure.
Q: How many nihilists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: There is nothing to change.
Q: How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Sod it, we're all gonna die anyway.
A: 6. One to change it and 5 to say "Man, you've got huge muscles !"
Q: How many Sun readers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 10. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
Q: How many Sun readers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, but one is enough to screw up the joke.
Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Duh.... whats a lightbulb???
Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: It depends how many blondes there are, but some people prefer it with the lights off.
Q: How many poltergeists does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Three. One to unscrew the old bulb and drop it on the floor, one to put the new bulb in, and one to move a few more things about just for good measure.
Q: How many nihilists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: There is nothing to change.
Q: How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Sod it, we're all gonna die anyway.
joke collection 41
Q: How many philosophers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Hmmm... well there's an interesting question isn't it ?
Q: How many philosophers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Three. One to change it and two to stand around arguing over whether or not the lightbulb exists.
Q: How many philosophers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Define "lightbulb".
Q: How many philosophers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Two. One to change it and one to think deeply and come up with a real gem, such as "Well there you are, standing on a chair, changing a lightbulb. Here we see the difference between a cat and a dog. If you have a cat, it looks up at you, thinks 'What are you doing ?', and walks off. But if you have a dog, it's looking up at you and thinking 'Well, I dunno what you're doing, but I love you anyway.'
Q: How many Mensans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. The bulb isn't bright enough.
Q: How many Mensans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. The dim bulbs aren't "changed," they are humanely euthanized.
Q: How many Mensans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 66. Eleven philosophers to ponder whether it is possible to actually do anything; ten semanticists to debate the various possible meanings of each phrase, word, and syllable; nine columnists to write about it from radically different viewpoints; eight letter writers to respond vehemently with opposing points of view; seven Quibblers who delight in pointing out others' mistakes (what is said is not as important as saying it correctly); six conservatives who believe things should stay the way they are; five liberals who believe that action should be taken immediately to form a committee to study possible actions; four ornery SOBs who disagree on principal with anything anyone else has suggested; three peacemakers who believe it's more important to work it out without showing any more emotions than necessary to get it done; two statisticians who maintain that numbers are more important than facts; and one pragmatist to ignore the bureaucratic piles of paperwork and replace the bad bulb with a good one. Whilst all this is going on, all the Mensans are keeping count in their heads just to make absolutely sure what it really does add up to 66.
Q: How many lexicographers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Two. One to change it and one to protest that he should have changed it to "light bulb".
A: Hmmm... well there's an interesting question isn't it ?
Q: How many philosophers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Three. One to change it and two to stand around arguing over whether or not the lightbulb exists.
Q: How many philosophers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Define "lightbulb".
Q: How many philosophers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Two. One to change it and one to think deeply and come up with a real gem, such as "Well there you are, standing on a chair, changing a lightbulb. Here we see the difference between a cat and a dog. If you have a cat, it looks up at you, thinks 'What are you doing ?', and walks off. But if you have a dog, it's looking up at you and thinking 'Well, I dunno what you're doing, but I love you anyway.'
Q: How many Mensans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. The bulb isn't bright enough.
Q: How many Mensans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. The dim bulbs aren't "changed," they are humanely euthanized.
Q: How many Mensans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 66. Eleven philosophers to ponder whether it is possible to actually do anything; ten semanticists to debate the various possible meanings of each phrase, word, and syllable; nine columnists to write about it from radically different viewpoints; eight letter writers to respond vehemently with opposing points of view; seven Quibblers who delight in pointing out others' mistakes (what is said is not as important as saying it correctly); six conservatives who believe things should stay the way they are; five liberals who believe that action should be taken immediately to form a committee to study possible actions; four ornery SOBs who disagree on principal with anything anyone else has suggested; three peacemakers who believe it's more important to work it out without showing any more emotions than necessary to get it done; two statisticians who maintain that numbers are more important than facts; and one pragmatist to ignore the bureaucratic piles of paperwork and replace the bad bulb with a good one. Whilst all this is going on, all the Mensans are keeping count in their heads just to make absolutely sure what it really does add up to 66.
Q: How many lexicographers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Two. One to change it and one to protest that he should have changed it to "light bulb".
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