light bulb jokes jokes

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light bulb jokes


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Q: How many (generation) Xers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two, one to go and shoplift the bulb so the boomers have something to screw in and the other to screw it in for minimum wage.

Q: How many vampires does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, they *like* it in the dark.

Q: How many alt.vampyres readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None! Yecch! We LOVE the dark, stupid!

Q: How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One.

Q: How many one-armed people does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Only one, as long as he kept the till receipt.

Q: How many [members of your favorite group] does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Two, but they have to be *really tiny*.

Q: How many Pygmies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: At least three. (Notes: think height!)

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Q: How many American footballers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two - one to screw it in and the other to recover the fumble.

Q: How many people at an American football match does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Three. One to change it and two to tip the entire contents of the ice bucket over the coach to congratulate him on a successful bulb screwing.

Q: How many University of Washington Husky football fans (or any over-the-top sports fans who pay way way too much attention to minutia surrounding "their" team) does it take to change a light bulb?
A: A million and one. One to hold the old bulb, and the rest to all try and make the world revolve around it.

Q: How many striking baseball players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. All those replacement bulbs are scabs!

Q: How many Rochester residents does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Fifty one - one to screw in the bulb, and fifty to comment about how much better the bulb is than light bulbs in Buffalo.

Q: How many Buffalonians does it take to screw a in a light bulb?
A: Two-one to get the new bulb out of the snowbank, and one to screw it in.

Q: How many American wrestlers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Three. One to yank the old bulb out, throw it on the floor, try and jump onto it from a great height, and act real surprised when it rolls out of the way at the last minute, one to pretend to twist the new one in round and round so far it almost breaks, and some guy in a black and white stripey uniform whose function is never made quite clear to protest about something or other, to the complete indifference of the bulb changers.

Q: How many American wrestlers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: 5. One to change it 4 to fake it.

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Q: How many Jo Brands does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None, you give it to a bloody man to do, cos it's a piece of cake, isn't it? Well, no, actually, that expression is crap isn't it, because if you had a piece of cake, you'd bloody well eat it, wouldn't you?

Q: How many DIY buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only one, but it takes him two weekends and three trips to the hardware store.

Q: How many recovering addicts does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One, but it takes twelve steps.

Q: How many recovering addicts does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One, as long as he admits he's powerless over light bulbs.

Q: How many recovering addicts does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One to screw it in and one to sponsor him.

Q: How many Soviet emigres does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Four. One to stand on a chair and hold the bulb, two to lift the chair by its legs, one to call an American and to ask which way to turn the chair.

Q: How many light bulbs does it take to change a Soviet emigre?
A: One, if you aim well.

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Q: How many atheists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. Atheists question whether it's really light anyway.

Q: How many atheists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. Atheists never "see the light" anyway do they ?

Q: How many hunters does it take to screw a lightbulb into a left-handed socket?
A: There is no such thing as a left-handed socket, but if they could screw right they would not be hunters.

Q: How many hunt sabs does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Three. One to do it and two to clean the muddy footprints off the carpet and the chair he was standing on.

Q: How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. It turned itself in.

Q: How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Just one, but he is never around when you need him.

Q: How many LA cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Six-one to do it and five to smash the old bulb to splinters.


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