Gross

Two guys get busted for smoking dope, so they have to go into court on a Friday. They go to court and the judge says, "If you can convince more than 5 people to stop doing drugs for the rest of their lives, you won't be sent to jail."

So the two men agree and the judge tells them to come back on Monday.

So the two guys come back on Monday and the judge asks how they did.

'I got 17 people to get off drugs,' says the first guy.

'Wow, how'd you do that?' asks the judge.

'I used circles. I told them that this large circle is your brain before drugs and this small circle is your brain after drugs.'

'Oh, that's nothing!" said the second guy. "I convinced 156 people to get off drugs.'

'Wow. How'd you do that?' asked the judge.

'Well, I used circles too. I told them this small circle is your butthole before prison...'

What did the mother vampire say to her daughter when she picked up a tampon?

"Honey, no in-between meal snacks!"

When you're neckin' with yer honey
And your nose is kinda runny
You might think it's funny...
But it's not.

A young man and a young woman were soon to be married, but they both had a problem they had never told anyone else about. The man approached his father one day before the wedding and told him about his problem. His feet REALLY stunk, even if he washed them constantly, he was worried that this would scare off his new bride, so he needed a solution, fast. His father pondered the situation and finally told his son to wear socks constantly (even to bed) and always wash his feet whenever he got a chance.

The son thought about this and went along happy. The same day the young lady approached her mother and told her about her problem. Her morning breath was horrid. Her mother reassured her and told her everyone had bad morning breath. The young woman told her mother that this was not normal morning breath but easily the worst in the world. The mother thinks about this and comes up with this bright idea. She tells her daughter to get up earlier than everyone else and don't say a thing, go make breakfast and then brush her teeth while the others are eating. The young woman thinks and then runs off to get ready for the wedding, happy.

The couple is married and they are happy, him with his perpetual socks and her with her morning silences. One morning about 5:30 am the young man wakes up to find one sock missing. He starts rustling around in the bed looking for it, which of course wakes up his wife, who without thinking asks what's wrong. With a look of shock on his face the young man says, 'OH MY GOD! You've swallowed my sock!'