Gross

ARROGANT FART= When you think your farts don't stink.

ASSUALT FART= A sudden attack that shoots virtual flames out your arse.

TIRE FART= You can't control the blow out.

BEER FARTS= These come out of every 'can' and smell like warm beer.

JAIL FART= Been doing time inside you for quite awhile, and finally makes its great escape.

DONKEY FART= Your ass is the only one that can do it.

GHOST FART= You can't hear it, you can't see it, and you can't smell it.

HOME ALONE FART= When you're home alone and a great one is wasted on no one.

SHOE FART= When you bend over to tie your shoe laces and one escapes.

TANK FART= When you refer to your farts as 'gas'.

OLD FART= You know how old it is by how bad it smells.

BRAIN FART= You need to fart, but nothing comes out.

ALZHEIMER FART= A confused fart that heads the wrong way, and becomes a burp.

NOT-ME FART= When you drop a bomb in a crowded elevator, turn around to the person behind you and give a disgusted look and whisper "PIG!"

U.F.O. FART= When someone farts in crowded room, label it as a "Unidentified Foul Odor".

'I'm at the end of my tether doctor, is there anything you can suggest I do?'

So the doctor examines him and after some prodding and tutting finally suggests that he should spend six months in hospital, with his jaws wired shut.

'Well, OK doctor, it sounds drastic, but I guess that's what I need.'

Anyway, six months go by and the dude comes out of hospital, thin as a rake. He goes round to the doctor's to thank him.

'There's only one problem doctor, you see I was so fat beforehand, that my skin has stretched and stayed that long. Is there anything you can give me?'

'Hmm, short of pretty comprehensive plastic surgery, there is only one alternative. Take your clothes off a moment.'

So the dude strips down. Then, squeezing it all upwards, the doctor ties it in a ball above his head.

'That's all well and good, doc', the dude said, 'but my navel is now in the middle of my forehead.'

The doctor replies, 'Yes, but you should see what you have got for a collar and tie!'