Gross

Q: What do you call nuts on a wall?

A: Wallnuts

Q: What do you call nuts on your chest?

A: Chest nuts

Q: What do you call nuts on your chin?

A: A penis in your mouth

Q: How do you get a zombie baby into a bowl?

A: A blender.

Q: How do you get them out?

A: Doritos.

A man wanted to buy his wife a unique birthday present. So one day, he went into a pet store looking for a parrot. The salesperson showed the man to a very beautiful parrot.

"It's beautiful!" cried the man, "Does he do any tricks?"

"Yes he does," answered the salesman. "If you put a lighted match under his right foot, the bird will sing 'Jingle Bells.' And if you put a lighted match under the birds left foot, he will sing 'Hark! The Herald Angels Sing.'"

"Amazing!" exclaimed the man, and he bought the parrot immediately. That night, the man showed his wife the parrot that he'd bought.

"Oh, what a gorgeous bird! Does it know any tricks?" asked the wife. The man smiled and said, "Watch this."

Then he lit a match and put it under the bird's right foot. Sure enough, the parrot began to sing 'Jingle Bells.' Then he put the match under the bird's left foot, and it began to sing 'Hark! The Herald Angels Sing.'

"That's incredible! Does he do anything else?" the wife asked.

"I don't know, lets see," replied the man. So he lit another match and put it between the bird's legs.

"Chestnuts roasting on an open fire."

Every year, Grandma and her grandkids, Suzy, Jill, and Billy come stay with her over Christmas. And every Christmas Eve they would make a big bowl of cookie dough so they could make cookies on Christmas Day. And every time, the next morning the cookie dough would be gone. The grandma could never catch them, so this year she put metal bb's in the cookie dough. The next morning, the cookie dough was gone and soon Suzy came running downstairs.

'Grandma, I went to the bathroom to pee and bb's came out.'

"Suzy," Grandma said. "I know you've been eating cookie dough. Sit down." Then Jill came down and said 'Grandma, I went poo and there were bb's in it.'

"Jill, I know you've been eating cookie dough. Sit down." About five minutes later little Billy came.

'Grandma something terrible has happened, I was jerking off in the garage and I shot the cat!'