archeological gag
How do you embarrass an archaeologist?
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Give him a used tampon and ask him what period it came from.
biting
A man was in a bar all day and he had to use the bathroom. He was in there for a while, yelling, so the barmaid reluctantly went to the bathroom to check on him.
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"Sir, what are you yelling about? You're scaring the customers."
"Every time I try to flush the toilet something keeps biting my balls!"
"Sir, please get off the mop bucket."
bed football
An old man was in bed with his wife when suddenly he let out a loud fart. He yelled, "7 points!"
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His wife looked at him and said, "What the hell are you doing?"
He simply replied, "Just playing bed football."
Ten minutes later the wife let a loud one and said, "Tie game - 7,7."
The husband's competitive side kicked in and he started starting straining... when suddenly he crapped his pants! His wife looks over and said, "Now what's the score?"
He said, "Still 7,7. End of quarter switch sides!!!"
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