Gross

A man was working with an electric saw when he accidentally sawed off all ten fingers. He quicky rushed to the emergency room. The doctor there told him, “Give me the fingers and I'll see what I can do'.”

“But I don't have the fingers!”

“What! You don't have the fingers!?” said the doctor, “You should have brought them to me. We have all kinds of operations we could have done like microsugery and stuff. We could have put them back as good as new.”

“But Doc, I couldn't pick them up.”

One day a guy and a girl were making out in her parents' bedroom, and it was getting pretty steamy. All of a sudden, the guy takes out his shlong and places it in her hand. She screams and runs downstairs, through the kitchen, through the living room, the bathroom, the dining room, back upstairs, through her bedroom, her bathroom, her sister's bedroom, down the hall and back into her parents' bedroom.

"Listen, pal! I have two words for you -- DROP DEAD!"

"I have two words for you -- LET GO!"

You're so poor that when I came to your house and asked to use the washroom, you handed me a shovel and pointed me toward the back door.

What is the sharpest thing in the world?

A Fart. It goes through your pants and doesn't even leave a hole.