Gross

What did Jeffrey Dahmer say to Lorena Bobbit?

Are you gonna eat that?

A leprechaun and his friend walked into a bar one evening and began ordering pitchers of beer. After a few pitchers, the leprechaun looked around and saw a very large, mean-looking character sitting at the end of the bar. With a smile, the leprechaun ran to the end of the bar and stood in front of this guy. He laughed hysterically, stuck out his tongue and spit all over the mean-looking fellow. Looking meaner and madder than ever, he reached out to grab the obnoxious little leprechaun, only to miss him as the leprechaun jumped up and ran back to his seat next to his friend.
'If you know what's good for you, don't come near me again or I'll rip off your little tallywagger!' yelled the mean-looking man.
The leprechaun snickered and started on another pitcher of beer, while his friend told him he thought it would be better not to harass this guy again. A few pitchers of beer later, the leprechaun was beginning to feel pretty intoxicated and fun-loving. Once again, he looked down at the end of the bar and saw the same mean-looking man sitting there. The leprechaun chuckled, ran to the end of the bar to stand in front of the same man, began laughing hysterically, stuck out his tongue and spit all over him again. The angry man reached out to grab the drunk little leprechaun and was successful in capturing him.
'All right, I've got you this time. I warned you before that if you came near me again I would rip off your little tallywagger and that is what I intend to do!'
The leprechaun laughed again and said, 'You can't do that!'
'Why not?' asked his captor.
'Because,' giggled the leprechaun, 'Leprechauns don't have tallywaggers!'
'Whadda ya mean you don't have a tallywagger?' growled the angry man, 'How in the hell do ya pee?'
'Just like this!' laughed the leprechaun as he stuck out his tongue and spit with all his might.

There was a vampire who walked into a vampire bar and asked the bartender for a glass of hot water. The bartender asked what for, because everyone else was drinking blood. The vampire pulled out a bloody tampon and said 'TEA TIME!'

This morning as I was buttoning my shirt, a button fell off. After that, I picked up my briefcase, and the handle fell off. Then I went to open the door, and the doorknob fell off. I went to get into my car, and the door handle came off in my hand. Now I'm afraid to pee.