Gross

Agony: a one-armed man hanging off a cliff with itchy balls.

A man comes home late one night, drunk.
"Where have you been?" asks his wife.
"In the Golden Bar! They have golden chairs, golden glasses, golden beer, and a golden urinal!" This sounds awfully suspicious to the wife, who calls the Golden Bar.
"Do you have golden chairs?"
"Yes."
"Do you have golden glasses?"
"Yes."
"Do you have golden beer?"
"Yes."
"Do you have a golden urinal?"
"Hold on." On the other end, she hears "I think we have a line on the guy who pissed in your saxophone."

What is the last thing to go through a bug's mind when it hits your windshield?

It's ass.

One day two boys were walking through the woods when they saw some rabbit turds. One of the boys said, 'What is that?'

'They're smart pills,' said the other boy. 'Eat them and they'll make you smarter.

So he ate them and said, 'These taste like sh*t.'

'See,' said the other boy, 'you're getting smarter already.'