modems beat women
Some reasons why a modem is better than a woman:
- A modem doesn't ask for a commitment if you use it. Getting a modem to obey you is as simple as typing "AT".
- When you're done using your modem, you can roll over and go to sleep without feeling guilty.
- A modem won't say a word if you come home late.
- A modem can't collect alimony if you decide to dump it.
- A modem will always wait patiently by the phone.
- You can always get a few bucks for an old modem when a faster model comes out.
- A modem doesn't mind if you call another modem.
- A virus you catch from your modem doesn't require a trip to the doctor.
- You don't have to bring a modem home to meet your parents. If an error occurs, Abort, Retry or Fail are the only options you have to worry about.
- Modems come with an instruction manual. Modems have a volume control - you can even turn the sound OFF.
question and answer
Q: How do you scare a man?
A: Sneak up behind him and start throwing rice.
Q: Men will brag that there are women waiting by the phone at this very moment for their call. Who are these women?
A: Women working at 900 numbers.
Q: Where is the best place in a book store to find a man who is handsome, a good lover and a stimulating partner?
A: In the pages of a romance novel.
Q: What do you do with a man who thinks he's God's gift?
A: Exchange him.
Q: Why is the book "Women Who Love Too Much" a disappointment for many men?
A: No phone numbers.
Q: Why do men like smart women?
A: Opposites attract.
A: Sneak up behind him and start throwing rice.
Q: Men will brag that there are women waiting by the phone at this very moment for their call. Who are these women?
A: Women working at 900 numbers.
Q: Where is the best place in a book store to find a man who is handsome, a good lover and a stimulating partner?
A: In the pages of a romance novel.
Q: What do you do with a man who thinks he's God's gift?
A: Exchange him.
Q: Why is the book "Women Who Love Too Much" a disappointment for many men?
A: No phone numbers.
Q: Why do men like smart women?
A: Opposites attract.
seminars for a woman
SEMINARS FOR WOMEN
In response to the seminar offerings by the female staff, the male staff has created a set of courses for females of all marital status.
The following courses will be offered:
General Education:
GE101: Why the Toilet Seat Has Hinges
GE102: Checkbook Balancing (formerly "Remedial Third Grade Arithmetic")
GE103: How to Drive a Nail Without Breaking One
GE104: How to Parallel Park
GE105: Why Going to the Bathroom is Not a Group Activity
GE106: Road Maps and Other Crutches for Spineless Wimps
GE107: Why a Bad Sports Telecast is Better Than a Good Soap Opera
Home Economics:
HE101a: Over-Laundering - Why Clothing Wears Out Premature
HE101b: Over-Vacuuming - Why Carpets Wear Out Prematurely
HE101c: Over-Dusting - Why Furniture Wears Out Prematurely
HE101d: Over-Washing - Why Dishes Wear Out Prematurely
HE102: How to Avoid Spending Money You Don't Have (formerly "How to Cut Credit Cards in Half")
HE103: Overcoming "The Imelda Syndrome" (formerly called "How Many Feet Do You Have, Anyway?")
Interpersonal Relationships:
IR101: How to Say "No" With Kindness and Appreciation
IR102: Why Men Enjoy Grocery Shopping About As Much As Women Enjoy Watching Roller Derby
IR103: Submission - a Biblical Perspective (prereq: SE101a or b)
IR104: Marriage - The Number One Cause of Divorce
IR105: Preposterous Mood Swings (PMS) (formerly "Keeping Your Personal Problems from Ruining Everyone Else's Life Too")
IR106: Understanding Men's Revulsion to Tampon Commercials (formerly called "We Know What That Little 'Plastic Applicator' is REALLY For!")
In response to the seminar offerings by the female staff, the male staff has created a set of courses for females of all marital status.
The following courses will be offered:
General Education:
GE101: Why the Toilet Seat Has Hinges
GE102: Checkbook Balancing (formerly "Remedial Third Grade Arithmetic")
GE103: How to Drive a Nail Without Breaking One
GE104: How to Parallel Park
GE105: Why Going to the Bathroom is Not a Group Activity
GE106: Road Maps and Other Crutches for Spineless Wimps
GE107: Why a Bad Sports Telecast is Better Than a Good Soap Opera
Home Economics:
HE101a: Over-Laundering - Why Clothing Wears Out Premature
HE101b: Over-Vacuuming - Why Carpets Wear Out Prematurely
HE101c: Over-Dusting - Why Furniture Wears Out Prematurely
HE101d: Over-Washing - Why Dishes Wear Out Prematurely
HE102: How to Avoid Spending Money You Don't Have (formerly "How to Cut Credit Cards in Half")
HE103: Overcoming "The Imelda Syndrome" (formerly called "How Many Feet Do You Have, Anyway?")
Interpersonal Relationships:
IR101: How to Say "No" With Kindness and Appreciation
IR102: Why Men Enjoy Grocery Shopping About As Much As Women Enjoy Watching Roller Derby
IR103: Submission - a Biblical Perspective (prereq: SE101a or b)
IR104: Marriage - The Number One Cause of Divorce
IR105: Preposterous Mood Swings (PMS) (formerly "Keeping Your Personal Problems from Ruining Everyone Else's Life Too")
IR106: Understanding Men's Revulsion to Tampon Commercials (formerly called "We Know What That Little 'Plastic Applicator' is REALLY For!")
short gender jokes
Women are like guns, keep one around long enough and your going to want to shoot it.
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you.
Did you hear they finally made a device that makes cars run 95% quieter? Yeah, it fits right over her mouth.
Why do women have smaller feet than men ? So they can stand closer to the sink
How do you know when a woman's about to say something smart? When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me...."
How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't...there's a clock on the oven!
I date this girl for two years -- and then the nagging starts: "I wanna know your name..."
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The Dog of course...at least he'll shut up after you let him in!
One golfer tells another: "Hey, guess what! I got a set of golf clubs for my wife!" The other replies: "GREAT trade!"
What are two reasons why women don't mind their own business?
1) No mind.
2) No business.
The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" and I said, "Dust!"
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you.
Did you hear they finally made a device that makes cars run 95% quieter? Yeah, it fits right over her mouth.
Why do women have smaller feet than men ? So they can stand closer to the sink
How do you know when a woman's about to say something smart? When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me...."
How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't...there's a clock on the oven!
I date this girl for two years -- and then the nagging starts: "I wanna know your name..."
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The Dog of course...at least he'll shut up after you let him in!
One golfer tells another: "Hey, guess what! I got a set of golf clubs for my wife!" The other replies: "GREAT trade!"
What are two reasons why women don't mind their own business?
1) No mind.
2) No business.
The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" and I said, "Dust!"
Page 5 of 8 «« Previous | Next »»