funny puns

A Grandmother was surprised by her 7 year old grandson one morning when he had made her coffee.

She drank what was the worst cup of coffee in her life. When she got to the bottom there were three of those little green army men in the cup. She said, "Honey, what are the army men doing in my coffee?"

Her grandson said, "Grandma, it says on TV-'The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!'"

A frog went to get a loan at a bank.

The loan officer's name was Ms. Patty Stack. When the frog told Ms. Stack that he wanted a loan, she asked if he had colateral.

He showed her something that, to her, looked like a marbel and said "this is what I have for colateral".

She took it to the bank president and said "there's a frog out there who wants a loan, and this is what he has for colateral (showing him the marbel)".

She said "do you know what this is, and should I give him the loan"? The bank president said "why, that's a nic nac, Patty Stack; give that frog a loan".

The big chess tournament was taking place at the Plaza in New York. After the first day's competition, many of the winners were sitting around in the foyer of the hotel talking about their matches and bragging about their wonderful play. After a few drinks they started getting louder and louder until finally, the desk clerk couldn't take any more and kicked them out.

The next morning the Manager called the clerk into his office and told him there had been many complaints about his being so rude to the hotel guests....instead of kicking them out, he should have just asked them to be less noisy. The clerk responded, "I'm sorry, but if there's one thing I can't stand, it's chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

A guy from Czechslovakia was visiting his cousin the lawyer in California, and they went for a hike in Yellowstone Park.

While they were hiking they were attacked by 2 bears, one male and one female. The male bear dismembered and ate the Czechslovakian guy, but the lawyer managed to escape.

He ran straight to the nearest Rangers station, and told them what had happened, and they sent out a group of rangers to see what was going on.

Sure enough, the Rangers arrived at the place that the lawyer mentioned, and there were the female and the male bears. So one of the Rangers took his rifle and shot the female.

So the other Rangers asked "why did you shoot the female? he said that the male ate his friend" So the Ranger answers "Would you believe a lawyer if he told you that the Czech is in the male?"