funny one liners jokes

Democracy is that form of government where everybody gets what the majority deserves.

Diplomacy is the ability to tell someone to "get lost" in such a way that they look forward to the trip.

Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else have your way.

Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggy" until you find a large enough rock.

Do not believe in miracles, rely on them.

Do someone a favor and it becomes your job.

Do whatever your enemies do not want you to do.

Doing a good job around here is like wetting your pants in a dark suit; you get a warm feeling, but nobody notices.

Don't be irreplaceable; if you cannot be replaced, you cannot be promoted.

Don't be so open minded that your brain falls out.

Everything is always done for the wrong reasons.

Everything put together sooner or later falls apart.

Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.

Everything takes longer than you think.

Everything tastes more or less like chicken.

Everything worthwhile is mandatory, prohibited, or taxed.

Everything you know is wrong, but you can be straightened out.

Excellence can be attained if you care more than others think is wise, risk more than others think is safe, dream more than others think is practical, expect more than others think is possible.

Exceptions always outnumber rules.

Programming errors which would normally require one day to find will take five days when the programmer is in a hurry.

Progress is made by lazy men looking for an easier way to do things.

Progress is made on alternate Fridays.

Progress may have been all right once, but it went on too long.

Project Management is like pushing a wheelbarrow of frogs to market.

Prostitution is the only business where you can go into the hole and still come out ahead.

Quality assurance doesn't.

Quit while your still behind.

Real programmers argue with the systems analyst as a matter of principle.

Real programmers don't announce how many times the operations department called them last night.

The first time is for love, the next time is $200.

The floggings will continue until morale improves.

The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams. - Eleanor Roosevelt

The hardest thing in life to learn is which bridge to cross and which to burn.

The hardness of the butter is in inverse proportion to the softness of the bread.

The hidden flaw never remains hidden.

The idea is to die young as late as possible.

The ideal resume will turn up one day after the position is filled.

The lagging activity in a project will invariably be found in the area where the highest overtime rates lie waiting.

The least experienced fisherman always catches the biggest fish.