funny one liners jokes

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funny one liners


i get no respect 04
 
 
"I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said... Are you going to hate yourself in the morning? She said.. No..I hate myself now."

"I had a girlfriend that was so fat her belly button made an echo."

"I had a girlfriend that was so fat she had her own postal code."

"I had a girlfriend that was so fat she had a dress with a sign on the back saying...Caution Wide Load."

"My girlfriend was so fat her clothes were made by Omar the tent maker"

"One day I ran into my girlfriend with my car. She asked me why I didn't ride around her. I told her that I didn't think I had enough gas"

"I had a girlfriend that was so fat her bikini was made out of two bed sheets."

"I knew a girl that was so ugly that... her mother ripped in two when she had her."

"I knew a girl that was so ugly that... She uses a septic tank for a toilet."

why ask why 03
 
 
How did a fool and his money get together?

Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?

Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?

How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?

If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?

Why is abbreviation such a long word?

What do they use to ship styrofoam?

Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

news headlines 04
 
 
Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing

New Vaccine May Contain Rabies

Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing

Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire

Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

Air Head Fired

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge

Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board

Deer Kill 17,000

Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni

War Dims Hope for Peace

business one-liners 04
 
 
A good scapegoat is hard to find.

A good slogan can stop analysis for fifty years.

A good solution can be successfully applied to almost any problem.

A lack of leadership is no substitute for inaction.

A little ambiguity never hurt anyone.

A little humility is arrogance.

A little inaccuracy saves a world of explanation.

A little ignorance can go a long way.

A man of quality does not fear a woman seeking equality.

A man should be greater than some of his parts.


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