funny insults

For two cents, I`d give you a piece of my mind -- and all of yours.

You are the only person I've ever met whose mind is filthy and sterile at the same time!

You have no trouble making ends meet. Your foot is always in your mouth!

I heard you went to see the doctor and told him that you wanted a little wart removed; so he had you thrown out of his office.

I think Mother Nature really hates you because you remind her so much of all her mistakes!

You must be the arithmetic man -- you add trouble, subtract pleasure, divide attention, and multiply ignorance.

Some people are has-beens. You are a never-was.

You started at the bottom -- and it's been downhill ever since.

You are so boring that you can't even entertain a doubt.

I don't mind that you are talking so long as you don't mind that I'm not listening.

I heard that you were born, your father threw rocks at the stork.

I used to think that you were a big pain in the neck. Now I have a much lower opinion of you.

You must have gotten up on the wrong side of the cage this morning.

I would ask you how old you are, but I know you can't count that high.

In the next life, you'll blaze a way for us.

You are master in your own house -- the doghouse!

When you die, I'd like to go to your funeral, but I'll probably have to go to work that day. I believe in business before pleasure.

You make me believe in reincarnation. Nobody can be as stupid as you in one lifetime.

Believe me, I don't want to make a monkey out of you. Why should I take all the credit?

I hear you are very kind to animals, so please give that face back to the gorilla.

Keep talking. I always yawn when I'm interested.

Some day you will find yourself -- and wish that you hadn't.

People clap when they see you -- their hands over their eyes or ears.

Whatever is eating you -- must be suffering horribly.

Why don't you go to the library and brush up on your ignorance?

I hear you changed your mind! What did you do with the diaper?

You have an inferiority complex -- and it's fully justified.

You are not as bad as people say -- you are worse!

Do you have to leave so soon? I was about to poison the tea.

I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?

Whom am I calling "stupid"? I don't know. What's your name?

Take a vacation; go to Club Dead.

Your mouth is getting too big for your muzzle.

You are as strong as an ox and almost as intelligent.

You are living proof of reincarnation. No one could possibly get to be so stupid in just one lifetime.

You grow on people -- like a wart!

You used to be arrogant and obnoxious. Now you are just the opposite. You are obnoxious and arrogant.

You are down to earth, but not quite far down enough.

If you were twice as smart, you'd still be stupid.

I know you are nobody's fool, but maybe someone will adopt you.

You were the answer to a prayer. Your parents prayed that the world would be made to suffer and here you came along.

You're a habit I'd like to kick; with both feet!!

I hear the only place you're ever invited is outside.

I would like the pleasure of your company, but it only gives me displeasure.

You've never been outspoken; no one has ever been able to.

At your speed, you'd better not stop your mouth too fast or your teeth will fly through your cranium.

If you ever tax your brain, don't charge more than a penny.

Don't you have a terribly empty feeling -- in your skull?