collection 08
For two cents, I`d give you a piece of my mind -- and all of yours.
You are the only person I've ever met whose mind is filthy and sterile at the same time!
You have no trouble making ends meet. Your foot is always in your mouth!
I heard you went to see the doctor and told him that you wanted a little wart removed; so he had you thrown out of his office.
I think Mother Nature really hates you because you remind her so much of all her mistakes!
You must be the arithmetic man -- you add trouble, subtract pleasure, divide attention, and multiply ignorance.
Some people are has-beens. You are a never-was.
You started at the bottom -- and it's been downhill ever since.
You are so boring that you can't even entertain a doubt.
I don't mind that you are talking so long as you don't mind that I'm not listening.
I heard that you were born, your father threw rocks at the stork.
I used to think that you were a big pain in the neck. Now I have a much lower opinion of you.
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You are the only person I've ever met whose mind is filthy and sterile at the same time!
You have no trouble making ends meet. Your foot is always in your mouth!
I heard you went to see the doctor and told him that you wanted a little wart removed; so he had you thrown out of his office.
I think Mother Nature really hates you because you remind her so much of all her mistakes!
You must be the arithmetic man -- you add trouble, subtract pleasure, divide attention, and multiply ignorance.
Some people are has-beens. You are a never-was.
You started at the bottom -- and it's been downhill ever since.
You are so boring that you can't even entertain a doubt.
I don't mind that you are talking so long as you don't mind that I'm not listening.
I heard that you were born, your father threw rocks at the stork.
I used to think that you were a big pain in the neck. Now I have a much lower opinion of you.
you're stupid 05
A brief synopsis... When you're at a loss for words but want to tell someone that he or she is stupid, remember some these quips from our collection here at Aha! Jokes.
A medical mystery.
A mental midget with the IQ of a fencepost. -- Tom Waits
A mind as empty as the sleeping pill concession at a honeymoon hotel.
A mind like wet tennis shoes... Makes squishy noises when running.
A modest little person, with much to be modest about. -- Churchill
A natural talent for finding subliminal messages in ice cubes.
A Neanderthal brain in a Cro-Magnon body.
A notch off the timing mark.
A one-bit brain with a parity error.
A pacifist out of necessity in a battle of wits.
A photographic memory, but the lens cover is glued on.
A prime candidate for natural deselection.
A quart low.
A return with no gosub.
A room temperature IQ.
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A medical mystery.
A mental midget with the IQ of a fencepost. -- Tom Waits
A mind as empty as the sleeping pill concession at a honeymoon hotel.
A mind like wet tennis shoes... Makes squishy noises when running.
A modest little person, with much to be modest about. -- Churchill
A natural talent for finding subliminal messages in ice cubes.
A Neanderthal brain in a Cro-Magnon body.
A notch off the timing mark.
A one-bit brain with a parity error.
A pacifist out of necessity in a battle of wits.
A photographic memory, but the lens cover is glued on.
A prime candidate for natural deselection.
A quart low.
A return with no gosub.
A room temperature IQ.
collection 05
Yours was an unnatural birth; you came from a human being.
You have nothing to fear from my base instincts; its my finer ones that tell me to kill you.
It's your life -- but I wish you'd let us have it.
Hey, act your age -- senile!
I've had many cases of love that were just infatuation, but this hate I feel for you is the real thing.
You're the best at all you do -- and all you do is make people hate you.
In the dictionary under the word, "stupid," it says, "see him."
We know you could not live without us. We'll pay for the funeral.
We do not complain about your shortcomings, but about your long sayings.
Don't you realize that there are enough people to hate in the world already without your working so hard to give us another?
The thing that terrifies me the most is that someone might hate me as much as I loathe you.
When you get run over by a car, it shouldn't be listed under accidents.
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You have nothing to fear from my base instincts; its my finer ones that tell me to kill you.
It's your life -- but I wish you'd let us have it.
Hey, act your age -- senile!
I've had many cases of love that were just infatuation, but this hate I feel for you is the real thing.
You're the best at all you do -- and all you do is make people hate you.
In the dictionary under the word, "stupid," it says, "see him."
We know you could not live without us. We'll pay for the funeral.
We do not complain about your shortcomings, but about your long sayings.
Don't you realize that there are enough people to hate in the world already without your working so hard to give us another?
The thing that terrifies me the most is that someone might hate me as much as I loathe you.
When you get run over by a car, it shouldn't be listed under accidents.
you're stupid 04
A brief synopsis... When you're at a loss for words but want to tell someone that he or she is stupid, remember some these quips from our collection here at Aha! Jokes.
A few shrimps short of a barbie.
A few spoons short of a full set.
A few straws shy of a bale.
A few tiles missing from his space shuttle.
A few tiles short of a successful re-entry.
A few too many lights out in his Christmas tree.
A few volts below threshold.
A few yards short of the hole.
A flash of light, a cloud of dust, and... What was the question?
A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.
A hop, skip, and jump from success, but to get there he'd have to give up chewing gum.
A kangaroo loose in her top paddock.
A lap behind the field.
A little light in his loafers. (Apparently offensive to some? Sorry.)
A looney tune.
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A few shrimps short of a barbie.
A few spoons short of a full set.
A few straws shy of a bale.
A few tiles missing from his space shuttle.
A few tiles short of a successful re-entry.
A few too many lights out in his Christmas tree.
A few volts below threshold.
A few yards short of the hole.
A flash of light, a cloud of dust, and... What was the question?
A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.
A hop, skip, and jump from success, but to get there he'd have to give up chewing gum.
A kangaroo loose in her top paddock.
A lap behind the field.
A little light in his loafers. (Apparently offensive to some? Sorry.)
A looney tune.
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