funny bumper stickers

Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

Whisper my favorite words: "I'll buy it for you."

Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.

Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.

Adults are just kids who owe money.

Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mom?

I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.

You! Off my planet!

-Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

I majored in liberal arts. Would you like fries with that?

A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.

Help wanted telepath: you know where to apply

I'm just driving this way to get you mad.

Keep honking, I'm reloading.

Hang up and drive.

Guns don't kill people, postal workers do.

Ask me about microwaving cats for fun and profit.

I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen.

If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

A closed mouth gathers no feet.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.

A penny saved is ridiculous.

All that glitters has a high refractive index.

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

Anarchy is better than no government at all.

Any small object when dropped will hide under a larger object.

Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired.

Death is Nature's way of saying 'slow down'.

Don't force it, get a larger hammer.

Earn cash in your spare time...blackmail friends.

Fairy tales: horror stories for children to get them used to reality.

Going the speed of light is bad for your age.

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Herblock's Law: If it's good, they will stop making it.

History does not repeat itself, historians merely repeat each other.

It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.

It works better if you plug it in.