funny answering machine messages

I am gathering the world's largest collection of responses to an answering machine. If you would like to help, please leave a notarized copy of your name, number, and today's date at the sound of the beep. When I'm famous I'll remember all the little people like you that helped me achieve my greatness. I might even include you in my memoirs.

Voice 1: Answer the phone, please, Hal.

Voice 2: I'm sorry, Dave, I can't do that.

You might be calling to give me important information. If so, leave your information at the tone. Or perhaps you just want to have a casual conversation. If so, leave a message and I'll get back to you so we can have the conversation later. Or perhaps you want to know what I'm doing tonight, in which case it's the same thing I do every night. TRYING TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD!

Hello. Here are my answers to last week's messages, in order of their arrival. Yes. Maybe. At seven. You'll get it tomorrow. For sure. Get me that phone number. Thanks, I take my messages on Mondays.