funny answering machine messages jokes

OK, one more time... This is our answering machine... This is the message on our answering machine... Any questions?

I don't want to bore you with metaphysics, but how do you know this is an answering machine? Maybe it's a dream, or maybe it's an illusion, or maybe YOU don't really exist. One way to find out is to leave a message, and if it's reality, I will call you back.

(Aussie accent:) Hi, how 'ya goin', listen, I'm not here, but I tell ya what, this anserin' machine is so clever, I kid you not, if you don't leave a message -- it'll ring 'ya back and ask for one! Bye.

(Jack Webb voice:) This is the city. Lambertville, New Jersey. I work here. I carry a tune. I was changing my name to protect my innocence when I got a call about a 411. It sounded like good information to me. But I needed more. A name and a number. So leave yours and I'll return your call. Or I can send you a FAX. Nothing but the FAX, ma'am. (Hum the "Dragnet" theme...)