funny ads

These are fabricated corporate slogans that would never have made if far if they entered the real world.

Microsoft: "How much are you going to pay today?"

MTV: "Loud and easy to spell."

Saks 5th Avenue: "You Could Shop Here if You're Poor, But That Would be Stupid!"

Iguana: "The other green meat."

Nike: "Just buy the shoes, you flabby spineless lump!"

Daisy Air Rifles: "Keeping kids off your lawn for over forty years."

Canon Photocopiers: "Quit calling them Xeroxes!"

Apple MacIntosh: "Hey, we thought of it first!"

Radio Shack: "You've got questions, we've got geek losers!"

Professional Bowling on NBC: "Oh, why don't you just go ahead and kill yourself instead?"

The following are items found overseas in which people have made inappropriate use of English words for various products, and bizarre menu items in restaurants.

Cold shredded children and sea blubber in spicy sauce - China

Indonesian Nazi Goreng - Hong Kong

Muscles Of Marines/Lobster Thermos - Cairo

French fried ships - Cairo

Garlic Coffee - Europe

Sole Bonne Femme (Fish Landlady style) - Europe

Boiled Frogfish - Europe

Sweat from the trolley - Europe

Dreaded veal cutlet with potatoes in cream - China

Rainbow Trout, Fillet Streak, Popotoes, Chocolate Mouse - Hong Kong

Roasted duck let loose - Poland

Beef rashers beaten up in the country peoples fashion - Poland

Fried friendship - Nepal

Strawberry crap - Japan

Pork with fresh garbage - Vietnam

Toes with butter and jam - Bali

French Creeps - L.A.

Fried fishermen - Japan

Teppan Yaki - Before Your Cooked Right Eyes - Japan

Pepelea's Meat Balls - Romania

Product Names

Clean Finger Nail - Chinese tissues

Kolic - Japanese mineral water

Creap Creamy Powder - Japanese Coffee Creamer

Swine - Chinese chocolates

Libido - Chinese soda

Pocari Sweat - Japanese sport drink

Shocking - Japanese chewing gum

Cat Wetty - Japanese moistened hand towels

Pipi - Yugoslavian orangeade

Polio - Czechoslovakian laundry detergent

Crundy - Japanese gourmet candy

Superglans - Netherlands car wax

I'm Dripper - Japanese instant coffee

Zit - Greek soft drink

Colon Plus - Spanish detergent

Public service announcements around the world.

USA: "It's ten o'clock. Do you know where your children are?"

Italy: "It's ten o'clock. Do you know where your husband is?"

France: "It's ten o'clock. Do you know where your wife is?"

Poland: "It's ten o'clock. Do you know what time it is?"

Supposedly, these are actual advertisements that have appeared in papers across the country.

Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.

A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms.

Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.

For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.

Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.

Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.

Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory.

Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night.

We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.