Foreign

'My God! What happened to you?' the bartender asked Kelly as he hobbled in on a crutch, one arm in a cast.

'I got in a tiff with Riley.'

'Riley? He's just a wee fellow,' the barkeep said, surprised. 'He must have had something in his hand.'

'That he did,' Kelly said. 'A shovel it was.'

'Dear Lord. Didn't you have anything in your hand?'

'Aye, that I did -- Mrs. Riley's left boob.' Kelly said. 'And a beautiful thing it was, but not much use in a fight.'

1. Big Rock
2. Preston Manning
3. Tax is 7 percent instead of approx. 200 percent
4. The Premier is a fat alcoholic with a grade 4 education
5. Flames vs. Oilers
6. Stamps vs. Eskies
7. You can exploit almost any natural resource you can think of
8. Eventually, it will be your town's turn to ban VLT's
9. The Americans below you are all in anti-government militia groups
10. You can attempt to murder your rich oil tycoon husband and get away with it

1. Weed
2. Vancouver: 2 million people and two bridges
3. The local hero is a pot-smoking snowboarder
4. The local wine doesn't taste like malt vinegar
5. Your $400,000 Vancouver home is 5 hours from downtown
6. A university with a nude beach
7. You can throw a rock and hit three Starbucks locations
8. If a cop pulls you over, just offer them some of your hash
9. There's always some sort of deforestation protest going on
10. Cannabis

1. You wake up one morning to find you suddenly have beachfront property
2. Amusing town names like 'Flin Flon' and 'Winnipeg'
3. All your local bands make it big and move to Toronto
4. The only province to ever violently rebel against the federal government
5. Hundreds of huge, horribly frigid lakes
6. Nothing compares to a wicked Winnipeg winter
7. You don't need a car, just take the canoe to work
8. You can be an Easterner or a Westerner depending on your mood
9. Because of your license plate, you are still 'friendly' even when you cut someone off
10. Pass the time watching trucks and barns float by