Foreign

In a fancy Paris restaurant, there is a magical wish-granting mirror. But it only grants wishes if you tell the truth -- if you lie, you disappear. One day, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead enter the restaurant and decide to try out the mirror. The brunette goes first.

"I think I'm the smartest woman on earth."

"POOF!" She disappears. The redhead goes up to try. p> "I think I'm the prettiest woman on earth."

"POOF!" She disappears. The blonde goes up.

"I think--"

"POOF!"

The phone rang at the motor pool and an authoritative voice demanded to know how many vehicles were operational. Jim answered, 'We've got twelve trucks, ten utilities, three staff cars and that Bentley the fat-arsed colonel swanks around in.' There was a stony silence for a second or two.

'Do you know who you are speaking to?'

'No,' said Paddy.

'It is the so-called fat-arsed colonel you so insubordinately referred to.'

'Well, do you know who you are talking to?'

'No,' roared the colonel.

'Well thank goodness for that,' said Paddy as he hung up the phone.

There were three astronauts an American, a Russian, and a Pollock who were discussing who had the best space program. The Russian says, "We have the best space program. We were the first country to put a satellite into orbit." The American replies, "Thats nothing, we put the first man on the moon." Then the man Pollock says, "No, we are the best, we are going to put the first man on the sun." The Russian and the American arguedm, "Thats not possible you would burn." The Pollock explains, "No, no, we have it all planned out. See we will go at night!"

A man was walking down the street and saw an Eskimo looking at his car tire.
So the man said, "You blow a seal?"

And the Eskimo responded "No. That's just frost on my mustache."