Foreign

I saw an interview in which an expert on military history said that Saddam Hussein actually has a law degree. He went on to point out that the degree was granted under somewhat unusual circumstances: Saddam Hussein was accompanied by two heavily armed guards into the examination room, and apparently it was felt that there was no need to grade the exam.

Upon hearing this, my first thought was that Saddam had cheated. But the expert quickly pointed out that the incident demonstrates that Saddam really has an excellent understanding of Iraqi law.

Have you heard about the Irish abortion clinic?

There's a 12-month waiting list.

There once was a lowly snail, who was busily crawling through the forrest one day when he happens upon a Leprechaun, perched upon a toadstool. The Leprechaun looks down at the poor snail, crawling on his belly all his life, and takes pity on him. "Snail," he says. "I am going to grant you a wish. Whatever you want, you have only to ask."

The snail can't believe his luck! He thinks for a moment, and then excitedly exclaims, "Yes! I do have a wish! I want a brand new, shiny red Corvette Stingray!" The Leprechaun at first thinks that this is pretty strange, but then, considering that he is talking to a snail, perhaps not.

"And" continues the snail. "I want a bright, golden "S" painted on the doors, the hood and the trunk of my corvette."

"You shall have your wish," responds the Leprechaun. With the wave of his hand, the snail's wish is granted.

And now, whenever the snail roars through the forrest in his shiny new corvette, with the big "S" on the side, all the other animals of the forrest say... "Wow! Look at that crazy "S" car go!"

Late one Friday in Dublin, a policeman spotted a man driving very erratically. He pulled the man over and asked him if he had been drinking that evening.
'Aye, so I have. 'Tis Friday, you know, so me and the lads stopped by the pub where I had six or seven pints. And then there was something called 'Happy Hour' and they served these mar-gar-itos which are quite good. I had four or five o' those. Then I had to drive me friend Mike home and o' course I had to go in for a couple of Guinness -- couldn't be rude, ye know. Then I stopped on the way home to get another bottle for later...' And the man fumbled around in his coat until he located his bottle of whiskey, which he held up for inspection. The officer sighed, and said, 'Sir, I'm afraid I'll need you to step out of the car and take a breathalyzer test.'
'Why? Don't ye believe me?'