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egyptian pick-up line
What did the Egyptian man say to the Egyptian woman?

"Come behind the pyramid, and I'll make you a mummy!"

english football joke
Q: What is the difference between Liverpool football and a tea bag?
A: The tea bag stays in the cup longer.
english jesus
Why wasn't Jesus born in Essex, England?

Because they couldn't find three wise men and a virgin!

english patient
An English guy was very ill and his son went to visit him in the hospital. Suddenly, the father began to breathe heavily and grabbed the pen and pad by the bed. With his last ounce of strength he wrote a note, dropped it, and died.

The son was so overcome with grief that he didn't remember slipping the note into his pocket. At the funeral, he reached into the pocket of his coat and immediately felt the note. He excitedly read it thinking it might be something he could recite during the service. It said:

YOU WANKER -- GET OFF MY OXYGEN PIPE!!!


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