ethnic jokes

We yell for the Government to balance the budget, then take the last dime we have to make the down payment on a car.

We whip the enemy in battle, then give them the shirt off our backs.

We yell for speed laws that will stop fast driving, then won't buy a car if it can't go over 100 miles an hour.

Americans get scared to death if we vote a billion dollars for education, then are unconcerned when we find out we are spending three billion dollars a year for cigarettes.

We know the line-up of every baseball team in the American and National Leagues but don't know half the words in the "Star Spangled Banner".

We'll spend half a day looking for vitamin pills to make us live longer, then drive 90 miles an hour on slick pavement to make up for lost time.

We tie up our dog while letting our sixteen year old son run wild.

We will work hard on a farm so we can move into town where we can make more money so we can move back to the farm.

In the office we talk about baseball, shopping or fishing, but when we are out at the game, the mall or on the lake, we talk about business.

We are the only people in the world who will pay $.50 to park our car while eating a $.25 sandwhich.

We're the country that has more food to eat than any other country in the world and more diets to keep us from eating it.

We run from morning to night trying to keep our earning power up with our yearning power.

We're supposed to be the most civilized Christian nation on earth, but we still can't deliver payrolls without an armored car.

We have more experts on marriage than any other country in the world and still have more divorces.

When young Jose, newly arrived in the United States, made his first trip to Yankee Stadium, there were no tickets left for sale. Touched by his disappointment, a friendly ticket salesman found him a perch near the American flag. Later, Jose wrote home enthusiastically about his experience. "And the Americans, they are so friendly!" he concluded. "Before the game started, they all stood up and looked at me and sang, .... 'Jose, can you see?'"

An old Indian lined up all of his 10 little Indian sons and stood in front of them.

He then asked, "Who push port-a-potty over cliff?"

Nobody answered him.

He then asked again, "Who push port-a-potty over cliff?"

Again nobody answered.

The old Indian said, "I tell story of Georgie and Georgie father. Georgie chop down cherry tree. Georgie tell truth, Big Georgie no punish." So the Indian asked again,

"Who push port-a-potty over cliff?"

To which the littlest Indian replied, "I push port-a-potty over cliff."

The old Indian then shakes and spanks him, for his punishment. When he is done, the little Indian asks, "Georgie tell truth, Georgie no get punish. I tell truth, I get punished. Why you punish, father?"

The old Indian replied, "Big Georgie not in cherry tree when it got chopped down!!!"

Only in America...can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance...

Only in America...are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink...

Only in America...do people order double cheese burgers, a large fry, and a diet coke...

Only in America...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters...

Only in America...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and leave useless things and junk in boxes in the garage...

Only in America...do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place...

Only in America...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight...

Only in America...do we use the word "politics" to describe the process so well: "Poli" in latin meaning "many" and "tics" meaning "blood-sucking creatures"...