mistaken identity
A drunk guy is walking down the street. He sees this nun, runs up and knocks her over. He says, "You don't feel so tough now, do you, Batman!?"
mixed breed
What do you get if you breed a pitbull terrier with Lassie?
A dog that will chew your arm off but then run for help!
more stupid quotes
On Tough Jobs that Involve Letters: “It's not as easy as it looks, being on all the time. I mean, what happens if I'm in a bad mood?”
-- Vanna White, “Wheel of Fortune” co-star On Standards, the Mega-Rich and: “I'd rather not talk about money. It's kind of gross.”-- Barbra Streisand, dodging a question about what she was paid to direct and star in The Mirror Has Two Faces On Disco Music, Importance of: “God had to create disco music so that I could be born and be successful.”
-- Donna Summer, disco singer On Giving It Your All: “I think we played hard, but it was a lackadaisical hard.”
-- New Jersey Nets guard Otis Birdsong on why his team had lost an NBA contest On Hostage-Taking, Fun For All: “[Being taken hostage is] an adventure for the tourist, because the tourist will end up learning about the customs of the tribes as well as their good hospitality.”
-- Abdullah Ahmar, speaker of Yemeni parliament, on the practice of taking foreign visitors hostage On Acting, Jean-Claude Van Damme's Interesting Insights On: “In an action film you act in the action. If it's a dramatic film you act in the drama.”-- Jean-Claude Van Damme, interviewed on “Lifestyles of the Rich & Famous” On Segues, Unfortunate: “Speaking of animals, he married his wife, Suzanne, when he was in college.”
-- Mike Leavitt, governor of Utah, introducing Senator Larry Craig On Book Reviews, Cogent: “It's a very good historical book about history.” -- former vice president Dan Quayle, about Paul Johnson's Modern Times On Civics Lessons, Vice Presidential: “There are lots more people in the House. I don't know how many exactly-I never counted but at least a couple hundred.”
-- former vice president Dan Quayle, attempting to explain the difference between the House and the Senate On Earth, Where Found:“ [It's] time for the human race to enter the solar system.”
-- former vice president Dan Quayle, on the concept of a manned mission to Mars.
-- Vanna White, “Wheel of Fortune” co-star On Standards, the Mega-Rich and: “I'd rather not talk about money. It's kind of gross.”-- Barbra Streisand, dodging a question about what she was paid to direct and star in The Mirror Has Two Faces On Disco Music, Importance of: “God had to create disco music so that I could be born and be successful.”
-- Donna Summer, disco singer On Giving It Your All: “I think we played hard, but it was a lackadaisical hard.”
-- New Jersey Nets guard Otis Birdsong on why his team had lost an NBA contest On Hostage-Taking, Fun For All: “[Being taken hostage is] an adventure for the tourist, because the tourist will end up learning about the customs of the tribes as well as their good hospitality.”
-- Abdullah Ahmar, speaker of Yemeni parliament, on the practice of taking foreign visitors hostage On Acting, Jean-Claude Van Damme's Interesting Insights On: “In an action film you act in the action. If it's a dramatic film you act in the drama.”-- Jean-Claude Van Damme, interviewed on “Lifestyles of the Rich & Famous” On Segues, Unfortunate: “Speaking of animals, he married his wife, Suzanne, when he was in college.”
-- Mike Leavitt, governor of Utah, introducing Senator Larry Craig On Book Reviews, Cogent: “It's a very good historical book about history.” -- former vice president Dan Quayle, about Paul Johnson's Modern Times On Civics Lessons, Vice Presidential: “There are lots more people in the House. I don't know how many exactly-I never counted but at least a couple hundred.”
-- former vice president Dan Quayle, attempting to explain the difference between the House and the Senate On Earth, Where Found:“ [It's] time for the human race to enter the solar system.”
-- former vice president Dan Quayle, on the concept of a manned mission to Mars.
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