Entertainment

Some say Elvis is still alive.

• JESUS is the Lord's shepherd. ELVIS dated Cybill Shepherd.
• JESUS was a carpenter. ELVIS' favorite high school class was wood shop.
• JESUS was part of the Trinity. ELVIS' very first band was a trio.
• JESUS' entourage, the Apostles, had 12 members. ELVIS' entourage, the Memphis Mafia, had 12 members.
• JESUS is a Capricorn. (December 25) ELVIS is a Capricorn. (January 8)
• JESUS was the lamb of God. ELVIS had mutton chop sideburns.
• JESUS' Father is everywhere. ELVIS' father was a drifter, and moved around quite a bit.
• JESUS said, "If any man thirst, let him come unto me, and drink."  (John 7:37) ELVIS said, "Drinks on me!" (Jailhouse Rock, MGM:1957)
• JESUS fasted for 40 days and nights. ELVIS had irregular eating habits. (eg: 5 banana splits for breakfast)
• JESUS said: "Man shall not live by bread alone." ELVIS liked his sandwiches with peanut butter and bananas.
• "[JESUS'] countenance was like lightning, and his raiment white as snow." (Matthew 28:3)  ELVIS wore snow-white jumpsuits with lightning bolts.
• JESUS said: "Love thy neighbor." (Matthew 22:39) ELVIS said: "Don't be cruel." (RCA 1956)
• JESUS walked on water. (Matthew 14:25) ELVIS surfed on water.  (Blue Hawaii, Paramount:1965)
• JESUS H. CHRIST has 12 letters. ELVIS PRESLEY has 12 letters.
• JESUS had his famous Resurrection. ELVIS had the famous 1968 "comeback" TV special.
• JESUS lived in a state of grace, in a Near Eastern land. ELVIS lived in Graceland, in a nearly eastern state.

Ru Paul says, "I really love men, but I will give up screwing around with them."

Bill Gates says, "I really love money, but I will give up all the money I have."

Ebert says." I really love food, but I'll give up pizza."

Soon, all three find themselves back on Earth. They start walking down street feeling very grateful. Suddenly, Ebert spots a pizzeria. He smells the aroma and can't help himself — he runs in there and eats a slice of pizza. POOF! He disappears.

Ru Paul and Bill Gates are astonished and agree that that won't happen to them. So they resume walking down the street when Bill Gates spots a shiny, new quarter. He thinks that if he picks it up, he can found a new company and become fabulously wealthy again. He bends down to pick up the quarter and POOF! Ru Paul disappears.