Entertainment

What is pink and has 7 dents?

Snow White's cherry!

On Tough Jobs that Involve Letters: “It's not as easy as it looks, being on all the time. I mean, what happens if I'm in a bad mood?”
-- Vanna White, “Wheel of Fortune” co-star

On Standards, the Mega-Rich and: “I'd rather not talk about money. It's kind of gross.”
-- Barbra Streisand, dodging a question about what she was paid to direct and star in The Mirror Has Two Faces

On Disco Music, Importance of: “God had to create disco music so that I could be born and be successful.”
-- Donna Summer, disco singer

On Giving It Your All: “I think we played hard, but it was a lackadaisical hard.”
-- New Jersey Nets guard Otis Birdsong on why his team had lost an NBA contest

On Hostage-Taking, Fun For All: “[Being taken hostage is] an adventure for the tourist, because the tourist will end up learning about the customs of the tribes as well as their good hospitality.”
-- Abdullah Ahmar, speaker of Yemeni parliament, on the practice of taking foreign visitors hostage

On Acting, Jean-Claude Van Damme's Interesting Insights On: “In an action film you act in the action. If it's a dramatic film you act in the drama.”-- Jean-Claude Van Damme, interviewed on “Lifestyles of the Rich & Famous”

On Segues, Unfortunate: “Speaking of animals, he married his wife, Suzanne, when he was in college.”
-- Mike Leavitt, governor of Utah, introducing Senator Larry Craig

On Book Reviews, Cogent: “It's a very good historical book about history.” -- former vice president Dan Quayle, about Paul Johnson's Modern Times

On Civics Lessons, Vice Presidential: “There are lots more people in the House. I don't know how many exactly-I never counted but at least a couple hundred.”
-- former vice president Dan Quayle, attempting to explain the difference between the House and the Senate

On Earth, Where Found:“ [It's] time for the human race to enter the solar system.”
-- former vice president Dan Quayle, on the concept of a manned mission to Mars.

Yo mama's so ugly, when God was giving out looks she was hanging out with Whoopi Goldberg!

• JESUS is the Lord's shepherd. ELVIS dated Cybill Shepherd.
• JESUS was a carpenter. ELVIS' favorite high school class was wood shop.
• JESUS was part of the Trinity. ELVIS' very first band was a trio.
• JESUS' entourage, the Apostles, had 12 members. ELVIS' entourage, the Memphis Mafia, had 12 members.
• JESUS is a Capricorn. (December 25) ELVIS is a Capricorn. (January 8)
• JESUS was the lamb of God. ELVIS had mutton chop sideburns.
• JESUS' Father is everywhere. ELVIS' father was a drifter, and moved around quite a bit.
• JESUS said, "If any man thirst, let him come unto me, and drink."  (John 7:37) ELVIS said, "Drinks on me!" (Jailhouse Rock, MGM:1957)
• JESUS fasted for 40 days and nights. ELVIS had irregular eating habits. (eg: 5 banana splits for breakfast)
• JESUS said: "Man shall not live by bread alone." ELVIS liked his sandwiches with peanut butter and bananas.
• "[JESUS'] countenance was like lightning, and his raiment white as snow." (Matthew 28:3)  ELVIS wore snow-white jumpsuits with lightning bolts.
• JESUS said: "Love thy neighbor." (Matthew 22:39) ELVIS said: "Don't be cruel." (RCA 1956)
• JESUS walked on water. (Matthew 14:25) ELVIS surfed on water.  (Blue Hawaii, Paramount:1965)
• JESUS H. CHRIST has 12 letters. ELVIS PRESLEY has 12 letters.
• JESUS had his famous Resurrection. ELVIS had the famous 1968 "comeback" TV special.
• JESUS lived in a state of grace, in a Near Eastern land. ELVIS lived in Graceland, in a nearly eastern state.