signs you are a loser
1. Your dog rather rub up against the wall than have you pet it.
2. All the numbers in your little black book start with "1-900."
3. Due to excessive hazing and ridicule, you decided to drop out of the Origami Club.
4. You were almost involved in a threesome, but your left hand fell asleep.
5. Fantasizing out loud before falling asleep is your idea of "pillow talk."
6. Your personal ad reads: "Seeking Anybody."
7. Next to your name in the phone directory, the phone number is replaced with the phrase "Who cares?"
8. You look forward to the dinner time calls from telemarketers.
9. The last time you were invited to a party, you were grooving to the lyric, "Put your right foot in, take your right foot out."
10. You spent last summer following around the 2000 Bible Belt Trekkie Convention Tour.
2. All the numbers in your little black book start with "1-900."
3. Due to excessive hazing and ridicule, you decided to drop out of the Origami Club.
4. You were almost involved in a threesome, but your left hand fell asleep.
5. Fantasizing out loud before falling asleep is your idea of "pillow talk."
6. Your personal ad reads: "Seeking Anybody."
7. Next to your name in the phone directory, the phone number is replaced with the phrase "Who cares?"
8. You look forward to the dinner time calls from telemarketers.
9. The last time you were invited to a party, you were grooving to the lyric, "Put your right foot in, take your right foot out."
10. You spent last summer following around the 2000 Bible Belt Trekkie Convention Tour.
signs you have a hangover
- You're convinced that chirping birds are Satan's pets.
- Trying to gain control of the situation, you continue to tell your room to "stay still."
- Looking at yourself in the mirror induces the same reaction as chugging a glass of fresh paint.
- You'd rather have a pencil jammed up your nose than be exposed to sunlight.
- You set aside an entire morning to spend some quality time with your toilet.
- You replace the traditional praying on your knees with the more feasible praying in a fetal position.
- The bathroom reminds you of a carnival barker shouting, "Step right up and give it whirl!"
- All day long your motto is, "Never again."
- You could purchase a new bike just by recycling the bottles around your bed.
- Your natural response to "Good morning," is "Shut up!"
signs you should join e-mailers anonymous
10) You wake up at 3 am to go to the bathroom, and check your e-mail on the way back to bed.
9) Your firstborn is named Dotcom.
8) You turn off your modem and are suddenly filled with a feeling of emptiness, as if you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
7) You spend half of a plane trip with your laptop on your lap, and your child in the overhead compartment.
6) You decide to stay in college for an additional year or two, just for the free Internet access.
5) You find yourself typing 'com' after every period.com.
4) You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.
3) You move into a new house and decide to Netscape before you landscape.
2) You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )
1) Immediately after reading this list, you e-mail it to someone.
signs you're watching too much tv
- The bumper sticker on your car reads: "What Would Dawson Do?"
- In the middle of an exam, you tell the professor you want to use a lifeline.
- You need to be tranquilized when the cable goes out.
- In the late evening, you look forward to sitting back and catching the latest informercial.
- If you're a witness to an argument, you instinctually shout, "Jer-ry! Jer-ry! Jer-ry!"
- You try to impress the opposite sex by saying, "Hey, I get 120 channels!"
- Your entire CD collection consists of "Greatest Hits" albums by the decade.
- You have a gold-plated "clicker."
- Your intellectual discussions all stem from The Discovery Channel.
- After 15 minutes of work, you need a two-minute break.
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