College

Q: What did George W. Bush get on his S.A.T.'s?

A: Drool.

An English professor told her students that there would be no excuse for not showing up for their final exam, except for serious injury, illness, or a death in the student's immediate family. A smartass jock in the back of the room asked, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?"

The entire class did its best to stifle their laughter. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled sympathetically at the student, shook her head, and sweetly said, "You can write with your other hand."

A guy and a girl are lying in a dorm-room bed after just having sex. The guy lies on his side of the bed and rests. The girl rolls to her side of the bed and says to herself, "I finally did it! I'm no longer a virgin."

The guy overhears her talking to herself and asks, "Are you saying you lost your virginity to me?"

"Well," the girl explains, "I always wanted to wait until I was with the man I love to lose my virginity."

Astounded, the guy replies, "So you really love me?"

"Oh God no!" the girl says. "I just got sick of waiting."

This guy is standing outside on his balcony on the 5th floor of his apartment when he spots this gorgeous babe sunbathing on the 3rd floor balcony wearing the skimpiest bathing suit he's ever seen. He watches her for 3 days straight, and can't stand it any longer. He sends down a note on a piece of string: 'If you want me to make love to you please pull on the string once. If not please pull slowly 20 times and then faster another 10."