Children

One night a father sent his kid to bed. Five minutes later the boy screamed, 'Dad! Can you get me a glass of water!?!'

'No. You had your chance.'

A minute later the boy screamed 'Dad!! Can you get me a glass of water?'

'No. You had your chance. Next time you ask I'll come up there and spank you.'

'Dad! When you come up to spank me can you bring me a glass or water?'

After an overnight flight to meet my father at his latest military assignment, my mother wearily arrived at Rhein-Main Air Base in Germany with my eight siblings and me -- all under age 11. Collecting our many suitcases, the ten of us entered the cramped customs area. A young customs official watched our entourage in disbelief, 'Ma'am,' he said, 'do all these children and this luggage belong to you?'

'Yes, sir,' my mother said with a sigh, 'they're all mine.'

The customs agent began his interrogation: 'Ma'am, do you have any weapons, contraband or illegal drugs in your possession?'

'Sir,' she calmly answered, 'if I'd had any of those items, I would have used them by now.'

A 6'4' ninth grader was acting up in class.

His teacher looked at him and said, 'Act your age, not your shoe size'.

The boy looks down at his size 14 shoes, then says, 'But they're the same.'

Little girl: "Why does your son say, 'Cluck, cluck, cluck?'"
Mother: "Because he thinks he's a chicken."
Little girl: "Why don't you tell him he's not a chicken?"
Mother: "Because we need the eggs."