Children

A little girl at a wedding asked, "Mommy, why do brides always wear white?"

"Because they're happy," the mom replied.

Halfway through the wedding, the girl whispered, "Mommy, if brides wear white because they're happy, then why do grooms wear black?"

The scene was a tiny mountain village in a remote section of West Virginia. An old mountaineer and his young wife were getting a divorce in the local court, but custody of the children was a problem.

The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she had brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them.

The old mountaineer also wanted custody of the children.

The judge asked for his side of the story and, after a long moment of silence, the mountaineer slowly rose from his chair and said, "Judge, when I put a quarter in a candy machine and a candy bar comes out, does it belong to me or the machine?"

A kid goes to his dad and asks, "Dad, what are politics?"

His dad replies, " Put it this way; I am the breadwinner of the family so I am capatilism. Your mom is the owner of the money so she is government. The government is the provider for the people so you are the people. Your baby brother will be the future, and the nanny is the working class. Now think about that."

So he went to bed. He was woken by his brother. The baby had pooped in his daiper. He went to tell his parents, but he only found his mom asleep in the bed. He didn't want to wake her, so he went to the nanny. The door was locked. He checked through a hole and saw the dad in bed with the nanny. He went back to bed. The next morning, he went to his dad and said, "Dad i know what you mean now."

"You do? Tell me."

"OK, while capatilism is screwing the working class, the government is sound asleep, while the people are watching the future being pooped on!!!"

Little Johnny was in class when the teacher asked, "Three birds are sitting on a telephone wire, a hunter shoots one. How many are left?" "None," he says "if ones shot the others would fly away." "Actually", said the teacher "the answer was two, but I like the way you think." The next day Johnny walks over to his teacher in the cafeteria and asks, "Do you see those three women over there on the bench? Which one isn't married, the one eating the cookie, the one eating a sandwich, or the one sucking on a popsicle?" "Hmm, the one sucking on a popsicle?", the teacher asks" "Actually" said Timmy " it was the one without a wedding ring, but I like the way you think".