Children

A man and woman had a son but when he was born all he was was a head. The doctors didn't expect him to live very long. But the boy survived, so on his eighteenth birthday his father took him out to a bar for a drink.

The father ordered his son a scotch and when the boy drank it, out popped an arm. He was ecstatic so he drank another shot, and out popped another arm. Now the boy was in glee, so he drank another shot, and out popped a torso. And so on and so forth, until there was a whole body.

The boy was so happy that he ran out of the bar and into the street and got hit by a truck, killing him instantly. A drunkard in the corner looked at the father and said, 'He shoulda quit while he was a head!'

In a small town in California there lived two boys, Shut-up and Trouble. These boys were friends, but every once-in-awhile they would get into a fight. One time after they had both just gotten ice-cream, Trouble's ice-cream fell. Trouble then stole Shut-up's ice-cream and ran away. Shut-up ran after Trouble but eventually lost him, sat on a curb, and started to cry.

A police officer pulled up and asked, “What's your name?”

“Shut-up.”

The officer got angry and asked the same question again and got the same reply. Finally, he asked the same question and got the same reply and then said, “Boy, are you looking for Trouble?”

And Shut-up said, “Yeah, that fool stole my ice-cream!”

One day two boys were walking through the woods when they saw some rabbit turds. One of the boys said, 'What is that?'

'They're smart pills,' said the other boy. 'Eat them and they'll make you smarter.

So he ate them and said, 'These taste like sh*t.'

'See,' said the other boy, 'you're getting smarter already.'

A lady walks into the local record store.

"Do you have Jingle Bells on the old 12 inch?" she asks.

"No, but I've got dangling balls and a 7-inch," says the smartass behind the counter. The lady thinks for a second.

"Is that a record?"

"I think so. I'm only 14."